It was a really hard decision to leave my job, as I liked it for many years, and has a lot of monetary upside, but it was taking too much out of me with 90 hour weeks and constant travel (80% of the time). It was essentially impossible for me to be healthy and, frankly, sane. So while I am not going to take advantage of the maternity policy, I am still pretty psyched that I am leaving.
A few months ago when I was struggling with how to better manage my work/life balance, I turned to one of the women who had been at my company for a few years longer. Her advice was to keep my shoulder to the wheel and do what was necessary to become a partner, and then worry about the lifestyle after. When I asked her how I should balance that continued effort, and the expectations of significant travel (increasingly to Europe for several weeks/ months at a time) with our desire to have a family, her response was "There's technology to deal with that. You will have to do the travel if you want to succeed."
So that was pretty much the moment that I decided that I would leave my job.
Not only is that just a crazy-ass thing to say to someone, but it is also, I have discovered, factually untrue. With our au naturel trying, we only needed to be in the same place for a couple of days each month. With "technology" I have to be at the doctor a whole lot of times, and the scheduling is even more complex. So her answer was basically bullshit, and I'm glad I completely ignored it.
So why is this now a big deal? Because it turns out that she was pregnant when she said that to me. Her baby is due in about 4 weeks, which means that she would have been about 15 weeks pregnant. For some reasons, that bugs the living shit out of me. I mean, I'm happy that she is having a baby and all, but I think that it's just beyond obnoxious to tell someone -- especially someone who you know is almost 40 -- to postpone/ de-prioritize TTC when you are currently pregnant.
I will shake this, but right now it really bugs me.
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Let's keep in touch. You and I seem to have very similar paths..... I turn 40 in 4 days.... I'm up for partner at my firm in a month.... life keeps on rolling because hey, there's "technology" to help "older" women conceive. hahah
ReplyDeleteGood for you to make such a tough decision! I'm also trying to figure out how to handle travel with infertility treatment. It's crazy to have to work around a moving target that only leaves two weeks free per month!
ReplyDeleteThat would bug the crap out of me too. ; ) Even if you weren't ttc, those are hellish hours to work, if you want to have any kind of life outside of the office.
ReplyDeleteThat is ridiculous advice for anyone! Of course, she wouldn't have any idea what infertility treatments entail...but that doesn't excuse the horrible assvice.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you were able to make a decision about your priorities and your work/life balance that is right for you. Those are some crazy hours!
Good for you for making this hard decision. I pray that you will find it very rewarding and be happy for the decision you've made. Good luck with your IVF cycle!
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