Thursday, October 1, 2009


So I'm back in Cleveland, land of my forebears, to hang out with my mom for the weekend since the big cancer surgery is tomorrow.

Not much to say about that except I'm a little bit nervous. OK -- I'm a lot nervous. We've done the breast cancer gig before, and it wasn't so bad; I'm just hoping for not so bad this time around, too. She's had such a rough go of it, I wish she could catch a break. Seriously -- she deserves to smoothly sail through her life from here on in.

I wish I could will the cancer away and make her life smoother, but this is just another part of my life where I feel totally powerless to change anything. There is really nothing I can do to make it better, except be helpful and supportive. I know this, but it frustrates and leaves me feeling enervated and agitated.

At the least, I wish I could come bearing some super exciting news like "I'm pregnant with your first grandchild" or something else positive. But I've got nothing to bring except myself, and I can just hope that will be enough.

I just can't shake the feeling that I am a huge disappointment to her since I am failing to produce a grandchild. I know that she doesn't feel that, but I also know that she gets all wistful at the mention of her friends' numerous grandchildren.

But like I said, this time I can only bring myself, and my heart full of fear and hope.

1 comment:

  1. i'm sure your mom appreciates you being there for her. i wish her all the best. i hope this upcoming IVF cycle gives you the chance to make her a grandma too :)