Today was a rough IF day for the Boy. He had done 2 SA's before, but both samples were done at home, and neither was analyzed by the lab at my RE. So today the RE's office called me with the results of last week's test.
Volume -- so so
Concentration -- fab (so then not a big deal about the volume)
Motility -- ummmm....
Morphology -- yeah... we have a problem.
So I know that the Krueger morphology test is super strict, and so a lot of men are below the 14-15% normal cutoff, but even the RE did note that he is pretty far below that number. On the two previous tests, he had been kinda borderline low, but something is apparently going on that has dropped his numbers off of a cliff. And while before most of the little guys were moving around, now more of them apparently were kinda tired and so were, well, resting, so the mobility numbers were low too.
The upside here is that the RE told me that this is not an insurmountable challenge -- we are already on track for IVF, and so we will just tack on the ICSI and so it isn't really that big of a deal (If it is a big deal, please someone tell me that I am just being naive.)
Frankly, I think this test is (in a weird way) good news -- if we know more what the problem is, then it's theoretically easier to fix. This leave me feeling really optimistic, but the Boy? Yeah, not so much.
My sweetie is basically all freaked out that our challenge in conceiving is entirely his fault. Usually he doesn't overreact like this, but this apparently touched a nerve. So now he keeps coming in and saying things like "I'm sorry you have to do all of these shots because I'm not able to get you pregnant" and "I feel bad that I asked to wait a few months before starting IVF, since I'm clearly the whole reason we have to do this."
I understand that he feels flawed and broken -- I've certainly been there, and will likely be back there again. But I am having a hard time convincing him that it really doesn't matter to me why we are embarking on IVF, but it just matters that we are in it together. I figure if I keep telling him that I'd rather do IVF with him than get pregnant with someone else's faster, shapelier sperm, eventually he will be able to hear it.
I sometimes forget that this is hard on both of us, but today, it seems that it is mostly hard on him. I just hate seeing him so unhappy.