Crap

Crap. Crap. Crap.

Spotting started. I'm 14dpo, and I was foolishly hopeful that this extra cycle au natural that we did before starting IVF would be "the one."

It's not. My period is coming, and I know it. My Boy, who likes everything to be quantified, asked me how sure I was. Even he didn't look happy when I told him 98.5% (There's that damned hope again, using up the other 1.5%.)

So here's some more quantification:

- How many months have our 39 and 45 yo newlyweds been trying to get pregnant?: 12

- How many of those months were total losses because my (now former) job had me either at the office for 24 hours a day or across the Atlantic?: 3 (hence "former")

- How many months did we try with clo.mid: 5

- How many of those clo.mid months were in the aforementioned total loss category: 2

- How many times did I try to convince the Boy to start IVF, only to have him ask for "one more try?": 3

- How many times did I have my thyroid tested to ensure I wasn't on the wrong side of the hypothyroidism cut-off?: 4

- How many months did I have spotting and obsessively research implantation bleeding during the 12 hours before my period started?: 3 (Yeah -- that one is embarrassing -- It's like I am too stupid to actually get it. Someone really just needs to say "You over there with the pleading look in your eyes, you ARE NOT pregnant. Again. Now step away from the internet and go buy another box of tampons.")

- How many months did we try to start an IVF cycle, only to find out that the RE's lab would be closed for 3 weeks during the time I kinda sorta needed it open?: 1

- How likely is it that this month, my upcoming IVF cycle will require ET during the week I am out of town for Thanksgiving?: 100% (OK -- this one is probably more like 95%, but I am in a pissy mood)

Crap. Crap. Crap.