Friday, November 20, 2009

Turning a corner

Ok. It appears that my week of drama is over, and I have regained my personal equilibrium, as has the Boy, and that everything is back to good.
Phew.
So now my attention is going back to le cycle.
I've been really trying not to count every last second of the bcps, but I have. I'm pretty freaking psyched that I have only two pills left, because this long break from any real forward progress has left me feeling pretty convinced that our someday baby is just a figment of my imagination. I mean, I'm taking birth control pills for gosh sakes. Because yeah, we apparently needed help not getting pregnant. Actually, we did a good job of not getting pregnant all on our own, thank you very much.
I know I know -- I chose this path and could have been practically at transfer already. But things have been so crazy with job hunting, and Thanksgiving travel is imminent, so I still think this was the right decision . But not doing anything to create our mystery baby just puts it more and more distant in the future, and I'm just ready to get on with it already.
I keep taking out all of the meds and looking longingly at the needles -- I actually miss the shots and can't wait to start them again. I'm super excited about packing everything up and doing all of the chemistry experiment mixing (my favorite toy as a young girl was a chemistry set, so I guess it should be no surprise) when I am at my Mom's for the holiday. She has just redone her guest bathroom and has promised me a whole drawer and loads of counter space for all of my paraphernalia. I'm getting all happy just thinking about it.
After this cycle -- and my enthusiasm for it -- came to a screeching halt with the evil cyst, I guess I'm now allowing myself to start getting excited again. Let's face it: I AM excited, because maybe, just maybe, it will work. One thing is for certain, it's certainly a whole lot more likely to get us our mystery baby than these damned bcps. So here's looking forward to another appointment with the vagicam on Monday. I'm ready to get this show on the road.

17 comments:

  1. My fingers are crossed that it all works out for you!

    Happy ICLW!

    Sass

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  2. I'm new to this series of IV blogs -- being introduced via IComLeavWe. I can't imagine how difficult this must be to go through, although three of my close friends have never been able to get pregnant. One recently adopted three children from a troubled home.

    I wish you all the best in your journey toward parenthood and have a blessed Thanksgiving!

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  3. I'm here from ICLW. IF is mind-bending. I completely understand your emotions! Good luck with your stims. I start Lupron next weekend. So crazy!!!

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  4. Happy ICLW!

    Hope things progress well!

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  5. May your optimism be its own reward. All the best going forward.

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  6. Best of luck to you this cycle.

    ICLW

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  7. I'm here from ICLW. I can totally relate to wanting to get the show on the road, it feels like all we do is wait, its nice to do something! I hope this is the one for you. Best of luck!

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  8. All the best of luck to you! I hope your patience is soon rewarded!

    Megan
    (ICLW)

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  9. I hope and pray that you will have a successful cycle this time around!

    *ICLW*

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  10. It will be here sooner than you know it - waiting to get started sucks. I know the feeling of just wanting to be doing something proactive -like shooting yourself up with drugs rather than taking bcps. I still think you made the right decision considering your upcoming schedule. You'll be on your way soon! Hang in there. Glad you and the boy are feeling a little more calm too!

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  11. Best wishes for the cycle!

    Stopping by for an ICLW visit...
    No. 2: the unfair struggle (mfi, speedskating, nanowrimo)

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  12. Fingers crossed that all the waiting is worthwhile!

    ICLW

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  13. Fingers crossed that this is THE cycle. Hugs.

    Here via ICLW.

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  14. Lol at "vagicam." Too funny. I hope that this holiday season brings you the sticky BFP that you long for so much! Also, good luck on the job front! That can be so frustrating!

    Happy ICLW!

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  15. *crossing fingers for you like everyone else*

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  16. Hoping for good news for you today and a BFP in the near future!

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  17. Stopping by from ICLW, hope the appointment goes well today.

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