Hanging out here on the bench, there's really not a whole hell of a lot to report about my fertility (or lack thereof).
Here's really the schedule:
I wake up. Brush my teeth.
I take my prenatal vitamin.
I take my birth control pill.
I count the number of birth control pills left until I am done with them.
Then I use my fingers and my addition skills (which are rusty at that hour of the day, so I'm a little slow) to figure out what day I will go in for ER, and when a possible ET could be.
I check to see if we have plans for those days, so that I can cancel them.
Then I calculate (again, using fingers) when I would know if I was pregnant.
Then I calculate when I could contemplate telling people.
Then I calculate a potential due date (this one is harder since that whole 40 weeks thing doesn't start from the "hooray you are pregnant" day and requires subtraction as well).
Then I feel relieved that this child won't have a summer birthday and won't feel cheated by not being able to bring in cupcakes and celebrate at school.
I seriously do this every morning.
I am insane.
I'm guessing you all knew that already.
Like I said, not much to report
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It's not insane. I used to lie in bed at night doing the same thing, night after night. That and deciding on baby names.
ReplyDeleteIt got too depressing eventually, but during treatment, what else CAN you think about?
Hugs,
Jo
OMG - I do the same thing with my calendar. It's maddening. But unlike you, I only get so far as the ET, as I have no faith that I will have a live child. I counted down every single day of my last pregnancy and my baby died in utero at 38 weeks. I don't look that far ahead anymore. But it's hard not to think like you do. Wishing you much patience.
ReplyDeleteOMG! I totally forgot about a summer birthday and cupcakes / cake at school. IF I get lucky (for once in my life) my kid will get screwed out of school based birthday treats!
ReplyDeleteYou are not alone. I've recalculated my ER/ET and BFP day and EDD about a million times in the past weeks.
I think infertility spawns obsessiveness. I'm sure everyone of us has played the due date game over and over and over...
ReplyDeleteYou're not alone in your crazy :).