And much though I hate to say this, what pushed me over the edge from blissful ignorance to the-sky-is-falling hysteria was actually the Boy. And I understand his perspective -- really I do -- but I just can't deal with it right now.
I'm lucky. No shit, really really lucky. I have a very good resume, a strong network, and have gotten two job offers without really trying that hard. But neither job is right, and the recent offer is definitely low-balling me on salary. And, incidentally, I really don't want to do the work that the job entails. So I told the Boy I was thinking about turning it down, and he said "you know, if you do that we will have to move -- we won't be able to afford to live here."
Now I get it -- he works in finance and that job market is just a shit show. And he has been out of work since January and looking really hard for several months, and has exactly zero real leads. Nada. Zilch. And I just walk into an offer (seriously, I did practically nothing) and then cavalierly suggest that I will turn it down, even though I have nothing else confirmed yet, but do have several things moving forward nicely. And that freaked him out that we will have to start dipping into our savings, which we have not had to do yet.
So his anxiety about being in a deficit situation ran headlong into my anxiety about taking a job that I am not excited about. And that was a rather combustible collision. Turns out that both of us are, in our own very different ways, completely freaking out about the fact that we don't have steady jobs, and are about to dip into savings to keep things running (like eating and stuff) and are, at the same time, about to start an ivf cycle. Which could (and hopefully will) result in a baby, and while that is crazy exciting, is also a scary thing if we don't have jobs.
How did this happen? We have 3 graduate degrees from 3 fancy-ass universities. We work hard. We are good at what we do. We save our pennies and don't run up debt. So how has it happened that we are struggling so damned hard for everything right now?