- Month upon month of scheduled mandatory sex. Not only is it not awesome to have to do it on demand, but my work schedule made it really rough. Because I used to travel about 70% of the time, for us this has involved us shelling out and taking last minute flights or train trips, leaving the office and then running back, waking up really early to wedge in a "session" before a 7am call, and once a conference call put on mute because we were literally not going to have any time before I left on an unexpected week-long trip. Honestly, there's nothing sexier than hearing your co-workers talking about financial reports while you are trying to get it on. Try it -- it's awesome.
- Oversharing about what is going on in my nether regions. Ovulation cramping, the need for "first morning pee" for the OPKs, the regularity of my periods, and -- and this one was clearly a strategic error on my part -- discussions of cervical mucus changes. This was way waaay more than he wanted to know.
- Emotional meltdowns at, well, at almost anything. This includes the arrival of my period, the announcement of friends' pregnancies, births, childrens' photos, the pregnant woman in front of me in line at the grocery store, a scene in a movie, children in a playground. Turns out that (a) being somewhat OCD about TTC and (b) being a snotty, blotchy mess isn't that attractive. And while he is good at consoling, and really sweet, that whole thing from the movies where the handsome actor kisses the weepy starlet's tears away as a prelude to a steamy sexual encounter? Yeah, that's not so much us.
- Dates with a cup. He hates it, and I can't really blame him for not being super amorous afterwards. And mediocre results didn't really help him feel better about things.
- Irrational rages, often directed at the Boy. I know I know that it isn't his fault that the lup.ron made me a complete wingnut, but he definitely took the brunt of it. And he's taken the brunt of a lot of other rages at the unfairness of the entire thing. Lessons learned: picking a fight is not the best foreplay. And makeup sex might work for other people, but we are more likely to need a makeup nap since arguing is so damned draining.
- The lurking sense of failure. Our sex didn't work, it wasn't productive, and we couldn't create a child "the normal way." It's not always there, but sometimes I just can't help thinking it.
I just want sex to be fun again. And not on a schedule. And just about us and closeness and not about breeding. I just want things to be normal.