Monday, November 9, 2009

IF in real life

About a month ago I posted that I had emerged out from my cave and had started re-connecting with some friends that I had ignored when I first started dealing with our TTC challenges.

One of the people I re-connected with was an old college friend -- let's call her S -- who had also been "missing": she hasn't returned any calls/ emails and no one had seen her since early in the Spring. I had a sinking suspicions I knew why she was hiding out, and so I sent her an email basically telling her that I was struggling to get pregnant, was about to start IVF, and thought she might be in a similar place. Sadly, I was right, and it turns out she had done 5 failed IVF cycles, to include one m/c and one ectopic. (And by now its 6 failed cycles). So she most definitely "gets it" and I hope I have been able to be a good friend and sounding board for her.

One of the great things about this recent discovery is that we have formed our own little united front against the masses of our friends that have kids so we can bitch to each other about the annoying shit that our fertile friends do. In fact I got an email yesterday from one of our mutual friends, which, of course, I immediately forwarded on to S. [As background, I've been trying to go out to visit this third friend since August, waiting for her to tell me what dates work, since she has twin 5yo and a 5 month old.] When I finally emailed and said that maybe we should wait until the spring, I got this:

"Your life is very different than mine right now, and while I am blessed with three beautiful children, they also take a lot of time. I wouldn't expect you to understand why I couldn't find time to respond to your emails this past month, but a lot of things just fall by the wayside when you have kids."

And my dear, wonderful friend S's response to me? "Seriously, we all know she can be a raging bitch sometimes, so just ignore her. And remember, she's fat and her husband is fat and weird."

And this response, which is bitchy, and catty, and yet kind of wonderful, made me laugh out loud because it is 100% true and only a woman who I have known since I was 18 could possibly have come so close to articulating what I really wanted to say, which really was "oh go fuck yourself."

So maybe the two of us will just become angry and crotchety and more bitter, and will alienate all of our friends with their packs of children, but it sure is great to have someone who I know, and have known for years, to talk and bitch and whine and cry to.


  1. Abso-ucking-lutely! Thank goodness you now both know what's going on with each other. Friend number three is being completely snotty even if you weren't viewing in through IF glasses. That is completely condescending. Love the response because that's just damn funny!

  2. I'm glad you have someone IRL who is going through infertility 'with you'. It's so fucking hard when you're the only infertile among fertile friends. Enjoy it while it lasts. Hopefully you'll both be successful in 2010.

  3. Your friend's comment made me laugh out loud! IF sucks but I'm glad you've found someone that you can confide in. I was in a cave, too, but when I tried to emerge I wasn't able to find anyone going through the same thing - but that's what I have you all for!I hope you and your friend both find success soon and continue to join forces against dumbass fertiles!

  4. I'm glad you could reconnect with your old friend, even if it was over something as depressing as infertility. And I love her response to the third friend's email :).