Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Freaking out

I had something approximating a panic attack last night. Why? Because my severance runs out in 2 weeks, the job I just got offered isn't a great fit, the Boy still has no prospects for work, and I am trying to get pregnant. via IVF. with my insurance that I will start having to pay for in 3 months.

oh yeah -- and I live in the most expensive city in the US (New york) and am careening into my 40th birthday.

what the fuck am I thinking? I think I am finally breaking under the stress.
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5 comments:

  1. jeniciniNovember 18, 2009 at 10:41 PM

    Yeah, that's freaking scary stuff. You are going to make it through this.

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  2. IllanareNovember 19, 2009 at 3:44 AM

    That's a lot of overwhelming stuff on your plate. Hang in there (I know, I know, easy for me to say, somewhat harder to do).

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  3. Mad HatterNovember 19, 2009 at 8:22 AM

    Sorry you're having a bad week and feeling like you're at a crossroads with work and money and everything. When I have panic attacks like that, I try to ask myself, "Will any of this matter in 6 months? 1 year? 3 years?" You and the Boy sound like very bright, well-educated people - you will figure out the work thing (even if you're temporarily in positions that aren't the greatest fit). You will do the IVF thing and get pregnant and have a beautiful, healthy baby (or two). If you don't want to live in NYC anymore, you will move. And forty is just a number and only one of many factors in fertility, as my acupuncturist always reminds me. As large as they are looming now, in a matter of months, all of these worries will be behind you. Breathe deeply and put one foot in front of the other - you will get to where you would like to be.
    XOXO
    Love,
    Maddy

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  4. AnonymousNovember 19, 2009 at 5:33 PM

    I hear you. Breathe slowly, turn on the TV, and mindlessly watch chick flicks that DON'T have pregnant chicks. I'm a former New Yorker (NYU grad), and that city sucked many dollars out of my pocket too. Now the fertility clinic owns me.

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  5. AnonymousNovember 20, 2009 at 9:32 AM

    I'm coming late to this post (sorry), but I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with all of this stress right now. Job stuff alone is enough to make most people go nuts, and when you add infertility stress to that...
    Just try and take it one day at a time. I know,I know, easier said than done!

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