...then perhaps the fact that I am going in for a d&c this afternoon will be less frightening and sad.
Instead, I will think about how B is practically a grown up boy, and is such a cute and funny baby. He is talking nonstop now (favorites are Tunnel and Bicycle) and he has started putting two words together -- mostly noun verb ("Mommy back" or my personal favorite "poop change") but every once in a while he pulls out an adjective noun combo ("yellow bucket") and the fact that he is actually able to put words together in a way that is logical and communicates just blows me away.
He loves LOVES music (which is, for reasons unclear to us, pronounced somewhat like "newcuk") and has expanded his dance moves from the bounce in place to a spinning move and to lifting one foot and then the other. This last requires great concentration and sometimes a death grip on the wall or some other support, but he's getting it done. But mostly, when he wants to dance (which is another thing he asks for all the time, usually at inappropriate times like when we are out in his stroller or getting ready to go to sleep), he wants to be picked up and spun around. That, for B, is the best type of dancing.
Other new developments? When B is tired at nap time or bedtime, he just says "niy night" and puts his head on my chest. And then looks at me and says "bye bye." Seriously, we have the world's easiest baby.
So today, when I am feeling pretty scared and pretty sh*tty about this whole m/c debacle, I am trying to remember that we are so so lucky. We are not lucky just because he sleeps and eats well, doesn't really (yet) have temper tantrums and is pretty smiley and fun most of the time, but because he exists and is our baby and loves us and lights up with a smile when he sees us.
Instead, I will think about how B is practically a grown up boy, and is such a cute and funny baby. He is talking nonstop now (favorites are Tunnel and Bicycle) and he has started putting two words together -- mostly noun verb ("Mommy back" or my personal favorite "poop change") but every once in a while he pulls out an adjective noun combo ("yellow bucket") and the fact that he is actually able to put words together in a way that is logical and communicates just blows me away.
He loves LOVES music (which is, for reasons unclear to us, pronounced somewhat like "newcuk") and has expanded his dance moves from the bounce in place to a spinning move and to lifting one foot and then the other. This last requires great concentration and sometimes a death grip on the wall or some other support, but he's getting it done. But mostly, when he wants to dance (which is another thing he asks for all the time, usually at inappropriate times like when we are out in his stroller or getting ready to go to sleep), he wants to be picked up and spun around. That, for B, is the best type of dancing.
Other new developments? When B is tired at nap time or bedtime, he just says "niy night" and puts his head on my chest. And then looks at me and says "bye bye." Seriously, we have the world's easiest baby.
So today, when I am feeling pretty scared and pretty sh*tty about this whole m/c debacle, I am trying to remember that we are so so lucky. We are not lucky just because he sleeps and eats well, doesn't really (yet) have temper tantrums and is pretty smiley and fun most of the time, but because he exists and is our baby and loves us and lights up with a smile when he sees us.
Miscarriage is never easy to go through, that I do know all too well. I hope that you continue to have the love and support of your family as your body and mind heal.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for the m/c. B sounds like a wonderful baby and if you can succeed once in the IVF gamble, there is hope for another. Hang in there. I'll be praying and thinking of you!
ReplyDeleteSending you lots of warm thoughts and strength. I'm so sorry you are going through this.
ReplyDeleteI admire your ability to look at the positive in your life when you're going through such a tough time. I am thinking of you today and for the coming days and hoping you get lots and lots of cuddles and love from B.
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking good thoughts for you this afternoon. I'm glad the end is in sight (well, the physical end, anyway) and that you can start to recover. Take it easy over the next couple of days.
ReplyDeleteB is beautiful. I'm so glad that there is a B.
((((hugs)))) for this afternoon. I hope you can rest and snuggle your boy afterwards.
ReplyDeleteHe really sounds like a wonderful little guy.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you today.
I'm glad you have that little boy to give you hugs tonight. Thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful boy! I'm sure all of us out here can count on him to give our thoughts and affection physical expression. Hope he hugs you extra tonight.
ReplyDeleteGosh, the sweetness. There is much about the toddler years that is challenging, no doubt, but there is also so much that simply...rocks.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you this evening, friend. I hope you are home, resting, and the hubs is taking good care of you. I wish I could wish this all away for you. Holding your hand from far away... X
I love the B stories. I know this is really tough, and I am sure this afternoon was absolutely horrible. Know you are in my thoughts & i am sending you lots of love.
ReplyDeleteI am so, so sorry for your loss.
ReplyDeleteI HATE that you have to think about 'other things', but I love the other things that you ha ve to think about. B is such an incredible little guy. I hope that you are feeling ok under the circumstances-- big hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteOh honey. I'm so sorry to come back to the internet and find this outcome.
ReplyDeleteB sounds like such a perfect sweetie. I'm so glad you have him to comfort you. And yeah, you're lucky to have a beautiful, magical child, but what you're going through is still utterly horrible. I wish it weren't so.
I hope that everything went ok for you and that you are feeling better. This post was really sweet though, and I enjoyed hearing about little B's habits. He sounds like a total joy and I hope that you are able to concentrate on him for a while as you heal and get ready to move forward.
ReplyDelete