I'm still here.
D&E was fine. Really. Perhaps my assessment of this was made more positive by the large amount of sedating drugs I was given immediately beforehand, but I've had little cramping and limited spotting and it's been over a week, so I think I'm past the most of it.
Turned out that doctor to whom my RE refers for that procedure actually happened to be my OB, and so it was nice not to have to see a stranger for something so difficult. She was really wonderful and made a difficult procedure as easy as it could be.
She also told me something that I keep repeating to myself: a healthy pregnancy can be sustained even in the most adverse circumstances. So that my pregnancy ended had nothing to do with me or lifting a heavy baby or not drinking quite enough water or any of the myriad things I feel that I did to screw this up.
Because we just wanted everything to be done with and to get some closure, we decided not to do genetic testing. I think that if we had found out that the embryo was chromosomally normal, it would have been harder for me, so frankly I'd rather just not know.
Occasionally, I still think that I am pregnant. Because for a month I was. But I'm not.
Instead, I'm trying to get a plan in place by which we can squeeze in another cycle in July between some vacations. Since I tend to stim for about 100 days (or 15, whatever), it's mighty tight, and involves about 5 hours of additional train or driving but I'm not really interested in waiting until mid-August.
So much for this being simple.
D&E was fine. Really. Perhaps my assessment of this was made more positive by the large amount of sedating drugs I was given immediately beforehand, but I've had little cramping and limited spotting and it's been over a week, so I think I'm past the most of it.
Turned out that doctor to whom my RE refers for that procedure actually happened to be my OB, and so it was nice not to have to see a stranger for something so difficult. She was really wonderful and made a difficult procedure as easy as it could be.
She also told me something that I keep repeating to myself: a healthy pregnancy can be sustained even in the most adverse circumstances. So that my pregnancy ended had nothing to do with me or lifting a heavy baby or not drinking quite enough water or any of the myriad things I feel that I did to screw this up.
Because we just wanted everything to be done with and to get some closure, we decided not to do genetic testing. I think that if we had found out that the embryo was chromosomally normal, it would have been harder for me, so frankly I'd rather just not know.
Occasionally, I still think that I am pregnant. Because for a month I was. But I'm not.
Instead, I'm trying to get a plan in place by which we can squeeze in another cycle in July between some vacations. Since I tend to stim for about 100 days (or 15, whatever), it's mighty tight, and involves about 5 hours of additional train or driving but I'm not really interested in waiting until mid-August.
So much for this being simple.
I'm glad to hear the physical part was easy. And glad you'll be able to cycle again relatively soon (I had to take 3 whole cycles--i.e. 4 months--off) just to do an IUI. Thinking of you, and hoping the rest gets easier each day.
ReplyDeleteOh, I'm so glad you had a friendly face for this dreadful experience, and that she had some words of comfort. It's 100% true--you couldn't have done any better than you did, which was just right. I hope the timing works out so you can have that "moving forward" sensation as soon as possible.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad to hear it went as well as can be expected. And of course you did absolutely nothing wrong in terms of this pregnancy. I think it's great that you are going to move forward as quickly as possible. That was always my motto - just keep moving forward. Good luck.
ReplyDelete((((hugs)))) Even with a physically easy procedure (and I'm so glad it was at least that) it still sucks, and I'm sorry for that. I hope things can work out for a July cycle.
ReplyDeletethinking of you and sending you love and healing
ReplyDeleteHoping that soon your discomfort from the surgery passes. So sorry that the pregnancy ended like this.
ReplyDeleteGood to get a check-in from you... I am glad that the D&C went as smoothly as possible, and I hope that moving forwards with your next cycle asap helps with the emotional healing. This shit sucks, and I am just sorry you're in the trenches of loss. Thinking of you...
ReplyDeleteYuck never easy glad it went smoothly. Sending you lots of hugs be good to yourself.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad the physical part of this is over for you. This is never easy and I hate that any of us have to endure this heartache. I'm thinking about you and hoping that you can fit your next cycle in at the perfect time for you.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you a lot. Tthis has been so hard and so unfair. Physically it may be easier, now, but emotionally it is so hard. Sending much hope for your next steps.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad it went okay, and mostly glad that it's over (the physical part, anyway). I'm also glad that you were in such good hands for the procedure.
ReplyDeleteI don't blame you at all for not wanting to wait. Incidentally, you and I may be cycle buddies. I wish I could suggest that we bring booze to alternate morning monitoring sessions but, you know. Frowned upon:)