Heartbeat was gone.
Embryo was measuring just 1mm more than on Monday and 2 weeks behind, so clearly all was not going as it should. For the first time, I didn't look at the screen, just the ceiling, while I held DH's hand. I didn't need to see. At one point I laughed at something he said and the very sensitive U/S tech asked me to stop as she was trying very hard to find a heartbeat. So I couldn't even pretend it wasn't happening.
No bleeding and just a small amount of brown spotting since Sunday, so I don't know if the SCH is gone or not, but it really doesn't matter. My RE was gone for the day by the time this was over, but he's working this weekend so he will likely call so we can discuss next steps. My view? Get it out get it done and move on to a cycle after vacation in early July.
I have to admit I am relieved. I didn't want to see a lower number still sputtering or a slightly higher one just jerking us around. Aside from a miracle resumption of normal growth and hb, this was the best outcome. But this process has been exhausting. It's been the whole month of May -- the first beta was April 30. I'm ready for it to be over and done and move on.
But I am still so sad. There was a little flicker of life that was very very wanted and now it's gone.
Embryo was measuring just 1mm more than on Monday and 2 weeks behind, so clearly all was not going as it should. For the first time, I didn't look at the screen, just the ceiling, while I held DH's hand. I didn't need to see. At one point I laughed at something he said and the very sensitive U/S tech asked me to stop as she was trying very hard to find a heartbeat. So I couldn't even pretend it wasn't happening.
No bleeding and just a small amount of brown spotting since Sunday, so I don't know if the SCH is gone or not, but it really doesn't matter. My RE was gone for the day by the time this was over, but he's working this weekend so he will likely call so we can discuss next steps. My view? Get it out get it done and move on to a cycle after vacation in early July.
I have to admit I am relieved. I didn't want to see a lower number still sputtering or a slightly higher one just jerking us around. Aside from a miracle resumption of normal growth and hb, this was the best outcome. But this process has been exhausting. It's been the whole month of May -- the first beta was April 30. I'm ready for it to be over and done and move on.
But I am still so sad. There was a little flicker of life that was very very wanted and now it's gone.
Hugs to you. Great big ones of the bear variety. I'm so sorry.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry.
ReplyDeleteSending much love your way. I'm so sorry.
ReplyDeleteOh, honey, I'm so sorry. I do get what you're saying about this being the best of the bad outcomes, though. I was in m/c limbo with my first...dragged on until 11.5 weeks and then I was benched for 3 months after my D&C. I hope you can give yourself the space to grieve...and then get back to baby=making business as soon as you're ready. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry, dear. This is never easy. I am glad that it is definitive and hope that this bit is over soon enough.
ReplyDeleteI'm so very sorry. Sending lots of comfort and hugs.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Maddy
I'm so very sorry. It sucks. I hope you and the RE can get a good plan going soon. (((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteSo very sorry for your loss...
ReplyDeleteHugs...
So very sorry for this loss of yours.
ReplyDeletePopping over from Misconceptions About Conception to say how sorry I am to hear of your loss - I've been there and I know how tough it is.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to hear this. I am glad however that the limbo is ending quickly - I know that must be really hard. Here's hoping you can get moving again quickly.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you and wishing you didn't have to go through this.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry for your loss! Love coming your way!
ReplyDeletesending you a big long hug.
ReplyDeleteI am just so sorry. This blows. Mightily. I am so sad for you, and thinking of you as you pick up the pieces.
ReplyDelete((hugs))
ReplyDeletei feel like I should know exactly what to say. But I don't. It is shit, it is unfair, it is painful. Take it easy.
ReplyDelete