Monday, May 21, 2012

Gone -- Updated

Heartbeat is gone.

 I am sad. That's an understatement, as I'm sure you can guess. Just empty, really. Can't really muster crying. Going in hopefully later today for hi res u/s to confirm what we know. Then will decide what to do.

Update: It's worse than we thought. Per the fancy machine at the maternal and fetal medicine office, embryo only measuuring 5w5d but still has cardiac activity -- 71 bpm. So it's not dead but dying. And there is a big subchorionic hematoma there as well.

 This means I'm going to have to do the whole thing over in a few days.

 Fu*k me. This could not be any harder.

26 comments:

  1. I'm so, so sorry. I wish there was something I could do.

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  2. God I am so sorry. so very sorry.

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  3. I am sorry. I had so hoped for different news. Sending you hugs.

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  4. I'm crushed for you :(. Just checking the blogs after the weekend...and this was not what I was expecting to see!
    ((Hugs))

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  5. Oh, no, I'm so sorry. Really unfathomable that things looked so good a few days ago and now this. You're in my thoughts.

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  6. Oh, I am so very very sorry. Thinking of you.

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  7. This is just horrible. I'm so very sorry.

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  8. Oh no. I'm so sorry. Terrible, just terrible.

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  9. Oh I am so sorry for the news you received!! I'll be thinking of you!

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  10. I am so very sorry to hear this awful news. What a shock. Sending you hugs.

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  11. I am so very sorry- holding you close to my heart.

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  12. Oh no. The initial news was bad enough but this is worse. I was once close to the place where you are, and it was the worst loss for me. Did they think that the subchorionic hematoma had anything to do with it? In other words, was it in a place that was causing the pregnancy to pull away from the wall/messing with the blood flow/slowing growth?

    Not that it matters, really.

    I'm so sorry. I wish a miracle could happen for you (or that we could just erase the past two days for you). It feels strange to write, "I hope for a resolution for you" because of what it implies. So I'll just say: I wish you were past this point.

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  13. I'm so sorry. Sending some hugs your way.

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  14. Gawd awful, my heart breaks for you I'm so sorry.

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  15. I'm so so sorry, it must be so hard and scary and frustrating. You need to be strong because sometimes life decide for us and there is nothing we can do.

    Sorry

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  16. I am so sorry. This is horrible news and my heart is broken for you. I hope that there are some answers on what happened and that this part is over soon.

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  17. I'm so sorry. I've been there. *hugs*

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  18. I am deeply sorry. This is achingly shitty news, and I wish so badly it wasn't your reality. Sending love, friend.

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  19. Oh honey, this is so unfathomably cruel. I can't believe it's your lot. It's just so wrong and hard and wretched. Wishing there were some words of comfort, and just so so sorry you have to find your way through this.

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  20. My heart is broken for you. This is definitely the worst news you could have gotten-- I am thinking of you and wishing I could do more.

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  21. I am thinking of you. It is a horrible place to be in. I had the same news 4 weeks ago. It was the most hellish thing to have to keep going back to the OB, knowing that at any time my baby would be dead.

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  22. I am so sorry for your loss. :(

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