It's negative.
I feel as if I have been punched in the chest.
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Aug 2012 -- Let's take a look around -- hysteroscopy.
This blog is about my life, my quest to build my family, and the random stuff that comes up along the way
About Me
- irrationalexuberance
- I'm a 42-year old (yikes I hate writing that) woman struggling to maintain my equilibrium (and sanity) while trying to start a family. Turns out that neither is all that straightforward. And now that I have a baby boy, I'm learning to balance family and work without losing my mind!
Our history of baby-making
Mar 2013 -- Go in for Day 2 blood work to figure out where period is and learn I am miraculously pregnant. Beta #1 173. Bleeding at 5w. Gestational sac small and large subchorionic hematoma. But betas still doubling (up to 22,000). At 6w1d fetal pole found and slow heartbeat (65bpm). At 7w2d no heartbeat. M/c #2.
Sep -Dec 2012 -- I've seriously lost track. 2 or 3 more IVF cycles
July 2012 -- IVF #5. 11 eggs retrieved. 10 mature. 4 fertilize. Transfer 3 3-day embryos (6, 5, 4 cells). BFN.
April 2012 -- IVF #4. 15 eggs retrieved. 14 mature. 6 fertilize. Transfer 3 3-day 8-celled embryos. Beta 1 (12dp3dt) = 39. Beta 2 (14dp3dt) = 104. Beta 3 (16dp3dt) = 264. Beta 4 (19dp3dt) = 920. Beta 5 (22dp5dt or 5w4d) = 2664. U/s at 5w4d shows sac right where it should be. U/s at 6w4d shows 7.7mm embryo with strong heartbeat. 3 days later gone. M/c# 1.
Feb 2012 -- IVF #3. 14 eggs retrieved. 11 mature. Only 2 fertilize. Transfer 1 3-day 8-cell embryo. BFN.
Feb 2011 -- Healthy baby boy born at 36 weeks!
Jun 2010 -- FET #2. Transfer 1 5-day blastocyst. Beta 1 (10dp5dt) = 254. Beta 2 (13dp5dt) = 1326. Scan at 5w6d shows fetal pole measuring 4.55mm and heart beginning to flicker! U/s at 7w6d shows strong hb and 17.2mm.
Mar-Apr 2010 -- IVF #2. 13 eggs retrieved. 5 on day 3. Transfer 2 8-cell embryos. BFN.
Jan-Feb 2010 -- FET #1. Transfer 1 5-day blastocyst. BFN.
Nov-Dec 2009 -- IVF #1. 18 eggs retrieved, 7 on day 3, 5 on day 5. Transfer 1, freeze 2. BFN.
Oct 2009 -- Ready to go! But surprise -- annual clinic 2-week closure.
Jul-Sep 2009 -- Keep trying a few more months, since Boy thinks we need to give it a bit more time.
May-June 2009 -- Go see several REs. Decide to jump to IVF. Full set of bloodwork done. Ridiculously normal.
Feb-Apr 2009 -- Clo.mid, clo.mid and more clo.mid. Nada.
Feb 2009 -- Talk to OB about why I'm not knocked up yet. Have good FSH (6.2) and respond well to Clo.mid (7 follicles)
Nov 2008 -- Married. Yippee!
Aug 2008 -- Stop birth control. Figure my dress would hide an early pregnancy. Hah.
Jun 2010 -- FET #2. Transfer 1 5-day blastocyst. Beta 1 (10dp5dt) = 254. Beta 2 (13dp5dt) = 1326. Scan at 5w6d shows fetal pole measuring 4.55mm and heart beginning to flicker! U/s at 7w6d shows strong hb and 17.2mm.
Mar-Apr 2010 -- IVF #2. 13 eggs retrieved. 5 on day 3. Transfer 2 8-cell embryos. BFN.
Jan-Feb 2010 -- FET #1. Transfer 1 5-day blastocyst. BFN.
Nov-Dec 2009 -- IVF #1. 18 eggs retrieved, 7 on day 3, 5 on day 5. Transfer 1, freeze 2. BFN.
Oct 2009 -- Ready to go! But surprise -- annual clinic 2-week closure.
Jul-Sep 2009 -- Keep trying a few more months, since Boy thinks we need to give it a bit more time.
May-June 2009 -- Go see several REs. Decide to jump to IVF. Full set of bloodwork done. Ridiculously normal.
Feb-Apr 2009 -- Clo.mid, clo.mid and more clo.mid. Nada.
Feb 2009 -- Talk to OB about why I'm not knocked up yet. Have good FSH (6.2) and respond well to Clo.mid (7 follicles)
Nov 2008 -- Married. Yippee!
Aug 2008 -- Stop birth control. Figure my dress would hide an early pregnancy. Hah.
Blog Archive
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2010
(83)
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April
(13)
- In and out of the closet
- Where are we going now?
- This is my 100th post
- And again...
- My subconscious is out to get me
- I'm trying. I'm really really trying
- Not so optimistic
- Random thoughts on parenting
- Resetting expectations
- IVF #2 -- Fertilization report
- IVF #2 - retrieval
- Cycle update
- Kids day at the office
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April
(13)
I'm so sorry. I wish we were in the same place so we could go get a drink or something together and pretend we didn't really want kids anyway... know I'm thinking of you. Given how randomly we've met, it makes you wonder just how many women faced that same sad negative pregnancy test today. Too many.
ReplyDeleteOh no, I'm so sorry. I wish that there was something I could do or say that would make this sad day easier.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you.
I'm so sorry. I figured that odds were at least one of us--you, me, or InBetween--would have success this week...
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry to hear this news. I hope you feel better soon, and can find a way to enjoy your upcoming birthday. Best wishes.
ReplyDeleteNooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Frack. That totally sucks. I wish I could do something nice for you.
ReplyDeleteI'm so very sorry. I was really hoping this would be it for you. Sending you love and hugs.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Maddy
ugh, so sorry to hear this. I'm turning 40 in a bunch of weeks too and the chances are slim I'll be pregnant by then. It really does suck. Take care of yourself the next few days and weeks.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to hear your news. Sending you positive thoughts and good vibes.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry. REALLY sorry. Hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteIt's not fair!! I'm so sorry.
ReplyDeleteGently squeezing your hand honey :(
Oh my gosh. I'm so incredibly sorry. SO sorry :(
ReplyDeleteIt is, like Trinity said, so incredibly unfair.
(hugs)
I'm so sorry. Just really so sorry.
ReplyDeleteHere for LFCA, there are no words for this and a BFN never gets any easier (in fact I think each one is little harder). I will be keeping you in my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteDamn it
ReplyDeleteI'm so very, very sorry. (LFCA)
ReplyDelete