Monday, April 26, 2010

Where are we going now?

I like to have a plan. Because having a plan means that there is something that I can do to change things and that means that I can have some control over what is going on. So I have a plan

In fact, let me be more clear: my husband who has been just awesome throughout this whole process, made a plan for me on Wednesday morning (day of test), and since he is pretty thorough, he made a plan for both a positive and negative result. Obviously, since my life generally sucks, we are now executing on the "negative" plan.

Here it is:
- Email RE to ask (a) what she thinks she has learned about my ability to actually have a baby from this 2nd failed cycle; (b) get her impressions on this cycle vs. the last one; and (c) discuss next steps
- Make a second opinion appointment with another RE and arrange to get records for that visit
- Make weekend plans so that I don't just stay in bed and mope.

We've actually made pretty good progress with this plan, and have learned at least some useful stuff:
- RE still doesn't see anything that leads her to believe that I am going to have a hard time getting pregnant. In her view, I'm just falling on the lousy side of the stats, but there is nothing she sees that leads her to believe that there is anything wrong other than the fact that I am old and so the percentage of good eggs I have is lower.
- We are going to run a bunch of bloodtests just in case: genetic karyotype for me and the boy, and then a bunch of immunological tests for me, even though I am not exhibiting any of the indicators that this is a problem (e.g., recurrent miscarriage. I'm more of a recurrent implantation or embryo failure). We will then have more info, and that can't be bad, right?
- I have a 2nd opinion meeting on Wednesday at 8am, and will get my pile of med records tomorrow.
- Boy made a ton of weekend plans, so we were out of town all day Saturday and then Sunday went to a museum for an exhibition preview and then to brunch. And then yesterday pm we had time to nap and then I went for a long-ish walk with the dog in the park, which was lovely. So limited moping time.

I also managed to slice the tip of my thumb off on Wednesday (yeah, banner day, I know) and so have had some dealing to do with that. Again, better than moping. (Ok, maybe not the optimal way to keep from moping, but pretty distracting!)

So yeah, I feel sorry for myself, and yeah, I think that this is all horribly desperately unfair, but we have a plan and are moving forward and my body is moving along just as it always does and I got my period right on time 3 days after stopping the progesterone. And like always I will ovulate on day 14, and get my period on day 29. Because this part of my body is reliable like that.

Next steps? Bloodletting for the tests, try on our own this month, and then another cycle next month unless we learn something surprising from the blood tests.

Sigh. I'm so tired of this. I'm really emotionally and physically beaten down by the whole thing, but somehow having all of these activities to do and interim deadlines to think about make me feel just a little bit better. Honestly, though, I'd rather just have a baby.


  1. It sucks that this is the path you have to follow, but you're doing such a great job just getting back on the horse and going. One day, one appointment at a time! :)

  2. I know what you mean about the plans. And this sounds like a good one to me. Wishing you the best.

  3. I do love a plan too. Checking things off a list, keeps me busy and distracted. I hope the blood tests give some more concrete yes/no answers, and the second opinion is helpful.

  4. Excellent approach for the weekend! So sorry about the finger and all of this other crap. I just hate that life does seem fair for a lot of people, if not even a little biased for them. How I wish I was one of them too...

  5. I think your plan sounds spot on. I especially think that running those tests is a good idea - they may turn up something that explains implantation failure (and it may be a simple enough fix). You're right - it's always right to have more knowledge than less. And another opinion never ever hurts. Sorry about the thumb, though. Distracting, I'll bet (though not in a nice way):)

    PS: Am compiling my list of dog questions to assail you with...

  6. You remind me a lot of myself--I always have to have a plan. Somehow it helps me to maintain my sanity through this crazy process.

    Also, just wanted to jump in and say that immune issues can definitely cause implantation failure. I know because I have elevated natural killer cells and that's exactly how the problem impacts me. It's good to hear your doctor is testing for this--it's a problem so many RE's seem to overlook! Are you doing the Beta-3 integrin test too?

    I hope you get some answers.

  7. hey there - that website you mentioned is awesome! i love the uterus plush doll. hahaha. how old are we that we are in love with silly plush animals?

    i caught up on your blog yesterday after seeing on adele's sight that you used to go to dr chen as well. sounds like you've had a bad last few weeks, so sending you a big *hug*.

    i got 4 "second opinions" after my ivf-gone-very wrong in february and so i'm on bated breath until we try again in july. hoping you get some solids answers from both your current RE and that the other doc you're seeing. hmm, i wonder if we go to the same doc as well :o)

    i've been known to cut myself while i cook. i do it all. the. time. dh is constantly getting frantic phone calls from me saying "i'm bleeding!!!". your thumb booboo sounds quite painful, so i hope you're on the way to healing (in more ways than one). *fingers crossed* for you that you get all the answer you need/want, and more importantly - for your next steps :o)