Quick update, since I just got the call from the nice nurse at the RE. They did ICSI on the 13 eggs and 9 fertilized!
Nine makes me happy!
(Note last time they retrieved 18, fertilized 17 and only 10 took so this is already a far lower attrition rate.)
Oh please please please let this all work out.
I have been trying so hard to keep a positive attitude and to not get all depressed that I have to be doing this at all, and I've been trying to remain super hopeful about the possibility of this working. It hasn't been entirely easy, and there are times that I was really close to slipping into the grip of the self-pity that I often feel around things baby-related. But I've been pretty much pollyanna this whole cycle -- so much so that a friend complimented me on what a great attitude I had (and told me that I could drop the act if it was that). But it wasn't -- I am hopeful.
But I am also scared. I'm terrified that I've actually convinced myself that this will definitively work, and that when (oh please no) it doesn't I will sink into a very very black place.
But for now hope feels good. Good like the bright sun felt on my shoulders at lunch, and good like the vanilla milkshake I had last night. And good like the pink hyacinth in my office that is all perfume-y and wonderful. So I am tempting the fates and continuing to be hopeful.