I've had a very nice relaxing weekend, with lots of slow walking around in the park in the nice weather, and I've managed to not entirely obsess about this waiting thing. Although I do seem to be a magnet for pregnant people -- we passed three on one block, and even the Boy noticed and remarked how I seemed to be drawing them to me.
Yesterday I was out getting my nails done with a friend who is a doctor and was on call. and she was dealing with how to treat a woman who had chicken pox and was 8 weeks pregnant. Apparently this young woman (and she was <16) didn't know she was pregnant until she got to the hospital for her rash.
Awesome, right? You've missed at least 1 period but you have no idea? And you are in jr high? Sigh.
And then I watched a car pull away from the curb with two little kids not in car seats or wearing seatbelts in the back and a 2-yo in the front seat on the lap of an adult.
And then I was nearly hit by a bicyclist who was crossing against the light and had a 4-5 yo girl sitting between his legs on his seat, and neither was wearing a helmet.
And so here's my point: I would be better. I wouldn't let my kids be unsafe that way and my children would be intentional and not just an unwelcome surprise.
Maybe this doesn't make me any more deserving to get pregnant, and maybe thinking about who deserves and doesn't deserve to have a child is a totally fucked up thing to do and completely counterproductive. But the whole thing bugs me all the same.
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I hear you sister.
ReplyDeleteGah...it's so frustrating, isn't it? I work in a hospital's birth center (oh, the irony!), dealing with pregnant ladies and new babies 5 days a week. The things I'm consulted on? Teen moms, addicted/substance abusing moms, moms with lack of prenatal care, incarcerated moms, etc. Most days I am able to compartmentalize my frustration, but other days it's a truly difficult feat. I know that it's inappropriate to get into who is "more deserving", but it seems so incredibly unfair that these ladies get to hold a little bundle of joy at the end of the day. Total mindfuck.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I'm hanging in there. Thanks for asking! I spent all weekend googling embryo images and comparing them to mine. Sick, right? My beta isn't until 4/26, which feels like a lifetime away. I'll probably start to get more antsy as that creeps closer.
Yeah, it's awful. If something like 50% of pregnancies are UNPLANNED, it seems that most of the other 50% are hard fought and very much wanted. It's like there's an inverse proportion of the amount that you want and are able to care for a child and the ability to actually conceive one...
ReplyDeleteBut I also think it's too easy to judge someone else's life and ability to parent, and I know I wouldn't want someone asking if I'm a "good enough" mother to have my own child.
It makes me want to throttle people sometimes. How can they not appreciate what they have?
ReplyDeleteI'm attracting the preggo women too. They must stay in all winter and do the deed so when they come out in the Spring they are preggo. It hurts. Everything you said, I have thought before. Sorry you have to feel that.
ReplyDeleteI'm with you totally. I was leaving a parking lot and saw a woman get into her van with her son, light up a cigarette in one hand, dial her cell phone with the other AND start to pull out of a spot. Come on...I know we can do better than that!
ReplyDeleteIt is so very ok that it bugs you and I know most of us have those very same thoughts. xoxo
Totally agree with you.
ReplyDeleteBugs the heck out of me too. I see this all the time. Argh.
ReplyDelete