I've had a very nice relaxing weekend, with lots of slow walking around in the park in the nice weather, and I've managed to not entirely obsess about this waiting thing. Although I do seem to be a magnet for pregnant people -- we passed three on one block, and even the Boy noticed and remarked how I seemed to be drawing them to me.
Yesterday I was out getting my nails done with a friend who is a doctor and was on call. and she was dealing with how to treat a woman who had chicken pox and was 8 weeks pregnant. Apparently this young woman (and she was <16) didn't know she was pregnant until she got to the hospital for her rash.
Awesome, right? You've missed at least 1 period but you have no idea? And you are in jr high? Sigh.
And then I watched a car pull away from the curb with two little kids not in car seats or wearing seatbelts in the back and a 2-yo in the front seat on the lap of an adult.
And then I was nearly hit by a bicyclist who was crossing against the light and had a 4-5 yo girl sitting between his legs on his seat, and neither was wearing a helmet.
And so here's my point: I would be better. I wouldn't let my kids be unsafe that way and my children would be intentional and not just an unwelcome surprise.
Maybe this doesn't make me any more deserving to get pregnant, and maybe thinking about who deserves and doesn't deserve to have a child is a totally fucked up thing to do and completely counterproductive. But the whole thing bugs me all the same.