Other side of the looking glass

I had the most bizarre experience yesterday: I went to my first obstetric appointment and, while special consideration was given to my advanced maternal age and heightened anxiety about this pregnancy because of the long road I took to get here, overall I was treated just like any other pregnant woman!

It was weird. My OB was very interested in hearing about my IVF path to pregnancy (she knew the clo.mid part, since she prescribed it), but once we got the "how did you get here and what meds are you still taking" part out of the way, she mapped out the major milestones FOR THE REST OF THE PREGNANCY.

People, she wrote dates on paper.

Things like a due date and when I am supposed to stop air travel. And while I was super duper excited to see this all laid out, especially because I am a huge planner and really like to know what comes next, I was worried that doing that jinxed it and that, by the time we walked into the next room and I disrobed it would all be over. So I got vaguely nervous during what should have been just a totally normal conversation. I held it together, but I definitly felt as if I were tempting fate.

But, like many of you very very wise women have said, there is really very little I can do to screw this up, and all of a sudden becoming superstitious is not going to make this any easier nor is it going to actually blow it. So maybe I should just park the superstitious bit for a while. We'll see how that goes!

Once I got to the exam room, I took a deep breath (actually, during the breast exam I took several, since my boobs are SO sore that it hurt a LOT), and I actually believed that the little bean would be there, ok. And guess what? It was. Thinking positively actually did not call forth hail and locusts, but actually just made me feel better.

I think it was because I was treated as if I was a normal, not-batshit-crazy pregnant woman I almost started to believe I was one.

The details? It's 22mm long (actually, it was measured in centimeters this time, so 2.2cm), which is 8w6d by her calculation, and I was 9w0d, so it's pretty much right on target. It has a heartbeat of about 150bpm, and it moved. And the yolk sac was visible this time and looks perfect. Everything, weirdly, is ok. Can I say Yay for moving while I am looking? Because that just makes me so happy.

Of course, I had a brief freakout after I left about why it was measuring a day behind, when last time it was measuring 2 days ahead, but then I said "that's why they say +/- 3 days" to myself and I calmed down. Mostly. After googling CRL measurements and realizing that it was, in fact, ok.

And the best part? I get to go back in a week and see it again! Yippee!! (And yes, this was scheduled before we took our peek yesterday, so it's not because something didn't look right, but because she knows I'm neurotic.)

Wow. I'm still pregnant. And I have an OB. And a plan. (Actually, we have possibilities for the plan, so more on that later.) Wow.