Here's how I know I am crazy: because every morning I am convinced that this pregnancy is over (or isn't) based on the number of hairs that fall out when I am washing my hair.
In the TMI category, I usually lose a decent amount of hair every morning when I wash and condition. But since pregnant? Pretty much no hair is falling out. So to me, counting the hairs that fall out is a reasonably accurate way to determine whether the pregnancy is still healthy. And so every day I start my day with this and so by about 30 minutes after I wake up I'm totally convinced one way or the other.
So today? 16 hairs fell out. That's more than double the average of 7 from last week. And that is b.a.d.
Now I know that's ridiculous. I know this, but yet I can't keep from counting every morning and comparing it to the days when I knew that the pregnancy was still moving along ok (that would be 2 weeks ago, prior to the u/s).
I have created a whole mystical, quasi-scientific set of reasons that I am not pregnant, and hair loss is one of them.
Other reasons I am convinced that I am not pregnant? Nausea, which was really very bad last week, has been better. About 50% better, so the "oh my god I'm going to vomit right this minute" bad of last week is more of a low grade queasiness and periodic gagging. I ate two normal meals over the weekend, which I had not been able to do for the previous 4 days. So what does that mean to me? That means that my HCG levels are falling, which means doom.
And my last piece of scientific (I like how I throw that around, as if any of this is really "data-based" and not just the ravings of a woman who has lost all touch with reality) evidence is that my TSH test from yesterday was still in normal range -- 1.85 vs. the 1.2 prior to the pregnancy. Now some might consider that good news -- the syn.throid is keeping things under control. But since the Dr had essentially said "pretty much everyone needs to adjust their medication during pregnancy" the fact that I don't have to means to me that there is nothing special going on that is requiring that my thyroid work hard at all.
Oh, and my cramping seems worse. Still no spotting, and still nothing that even feels like I am getting my period, but just more pinging/ stretching/ weirdness from down there.
(On the positive side, boobs have become sore and remained sore. But that is probably just due to all of the progesterone I am taking. So that doesn't count.)
The u/s is tomorrow afternoon (7w6d). I'm never going to make it. Seriously I have completely lost my mind.
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Boy, if losing hair is your biggest TMI you're doing pretty good! ;)
ReplyDeleteLosing hair is very common for pregnancy, the hormones wreak havoc on those "other" follicles. Make sure to get you thyroid levels checked (TSH), as losing hair is a common symptom of being hypothyroid (as I am). Alot of women become hypo while pregnant and it's important to manage because the baby gets all of its TSH from the mom in the beginning. It's an easy blood test and, if necessary, just a pill to take each morning.
Good luck on your u/s tomorrow!!!!
you're not crazeeee, i think we'd all be doing these same things if we were in your shoes!! *phew*, only a day left until the ultrasound. i hope that work is busy or you have plans to distract yourself for the next 24 hours until you can see the lovely heartbeat!!!!
ReplyDeletetry to stay sane in the meantime. i know it's easier said than done. but i can't wait to hear the bpm tomorrow!!!!!!!!! xoxoxoxo.
OMG, I lose so much hair in the shower in the morning that I could probably knit myself a baby with it. For reals. So, if losing copious strands of hair means your pregnancy is doomed HEAVEN HELP ME. ;) (Honestly? I think mine has more to do with the fact that I spend most of the day with my hair pulled up or back and it puts so much strain on my hair!)
ReplyDeleteI've found that my nausea peaks and tapers without reason. I can go several days feeling pretty nausea-free, and then several days gagging and urping the slightest smell of food. So weird!
And guess what? I am STILL cramping. At 17 weeks. I am beginning to think that my uterus is a total whiny wuss!
Just trying to debunk some of your data and keep your spirits afloat! :)
I've heard that hair can get fuller or thinner during pregnancy. Boobs can hurt or not. Nausea can come or go. In other words, ANYTHING is normal.
ReplyDeleteI know being relaxed about this all is absolutely impossible, but I'm sending you all the positive vibes I've got and hoping for an awesome u/s report tomorrow.
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ReplyDeleteWishing you so much luck tomorrow. I cannot imagine how anxious you must be. To me, reading symptoms is a lot like reading tea leaves, completely impossible to do so do not worry about what symptoms you have vs. dont have.
ReplyDeleteHang in there and keep us posted.
I read your post and I'm sorry to say I burst out laughing because I had the very same reactions. I watched my strands of hair fall whilst blow drying every morning and just 'knew'. I felt ill but not morning sickness ill so I just 'knew'. My numbers were funky so I just 'knew'
ReplyDeleteToday, I'm about 4 weeks away from giving birth to twins!
The first trimester is pure hell on every level but I found the emotional strain just unbearable. I hope it speeds by so you can get to the coolest of the cool - 2nd trimester where you have tons of energy and feel & look terrific (that's when your hair stops falling out by the way, not in the 1st trimester).
Big hug & lots of calming thoughts
E
I so hear you on the minute "scientific facts" that carry so much weight. My only symptom is my larger and somewhat sore breasts, and I touch them about five times and hour to monitor the soreness-factor. I was incredibly heartbroken this morning when I tried on one of my regular bras and it basically fits. This is a clear sign that I'm going to miscarry, especially since the dr said the baby is measuring small.
ReplyDeleteRational? No. But who can stop it???
You are doing great. The new breast soreness, the still present nausea, those are GREAT signs!!! I covet your gagging... and every morning I grimace at the amount of hair that stays on my brush...
Can I say that I love IVF 40+. Thanks so much for the reality check.
Tomorrow will be good. Hang in there. Breathe deeply. In and out, repeating, "good things DO happen... good things DO happen..."
Ha ha, so funny! I mean, your worries are NOT funny, but the way you describe them makes me laugh because I am so there myself! I too have been examining my hairbrush for changes in shedding! And this morning I whacked my boob on the door jamb, and it HURT. So I was like, YES! tender boobs! And also, does the fact that my boobs are now big enough to whack against something mean that they are growing? I hope so! All my bras still fit, but they are always too big anyways (I must have weird boobs- they look normal, but a b-cup is too narrow, while a c-cup sticks out too far. I guess they are wide and flat... hmm, doesn't sound good, does it?) My nausea comes and goes for sure, and it never gets very bad at all. E is still convinced it's psychosomatic especially since it went away for a week after my last scan-- but I was thankfully feeling a bit ill last night!
ReplyDeleteBut back to YOU. Your symptoms still sound great to me, and I hope that you can hang in there until tomorrow! Can't wait to hear the good news! Then you'll have about 3 worry-free days, then back to examining the hairbrush after that!
oh yeah. adele mentioned how her sense of smell was heightened, so she knew her beta wasn't down to zero yet. are you smelling everything in this rotten city?? perhaps that'll make you feel better? xoxo
ReplyDeleteHang in there - your body will fool you! Don't listen to it - it lies! Mine lies to me all the time. And I would add insanity to the list of "definitely pregnant" symptoms!!
ReplyDeleteGood luck tomorrow!!
You're not crazy at all! I think everyone who's "crossed over" has done the same thing - analyzed every single symptom or lack of. Totally normal :).
ReplyDeleteWill be thinking about you tomorrow!
This is what infertility and loss does to us - it makes us over-analyze everything and question our very sanity. It's amazing how much stuff we can find to worry about when we finally do get pregnant. There is no such thing as niavete anymore - it's gone for us. I'm glad you're getting an ultrasound soon - it really does help with the reassurance. I got an ultrasound every 4 weeks in the beginning, then 2 weeks, then twice weekly near the end. It was wonderful to have that reassurance every step of the way.
ReplyDeletexxoo
(Darn - I commented earlier but it looks like my computer is messing with me and it didn't go up).
ReplyDeleteI don't think you are crazy at all. I would be looking at every single little thing and taking it as an indication of yes or no. It's impossible not to do this. But I've also read that so much fluctuates in pregnancy - nausea can be intense and then dissipate before getting intense again. And that can last days (seemingly, with the very purpose of messing with our heads).
I can well understand that tomorrow can't get here fast enough. I am thinking such good, good thoughts for you. I hope that scan goes swimmingly, that you see your healthy bean and that it puts your heart and mind at ease. You deserve it.
I also vote for not crazy. It's amazing how our minds work to make sense out of chaos. I can't comment on what's normal, but I have also heard things fluctuate from day to day as much as symptoms fluctuate from person to person. I'm also holding hope for your scan and sending you all my happy healthful thoughts. A good scan, a healthy critter...both are what you deserve.
ReplyDelete