Monday, July 12, 2010

Keeping the crazies at bay

In my last post, you will note that I promised not to freak out until a week has passed.

You will all be happy to note I have not yet freaked out and I have presently silenced the drumbeat of failure and destruction that I usually listen to in my head.

I have also managed to spend an entire 4 days with my mom and not tell her anything. Even though I kind of wanted to about 100 times. But we made a joint decision collectively not to tell, and so even though the Boy kept saying things like "are you still dry heaving" to me with my mom there, we didn't tell. (And yeah, it's just that romantic around our house.)

I have, however, developed a new set of symptoms:
- hunger. Hunger like I never knew existed. All the time.
- gagging, carsick feeling. Pretty much all the time as well. It's the worst right after I eat, which is weird, since I thought that eating was supposed to help. But no. I pretty much dry heave after every meal. Yum!
- extra sensitive sense of smell. This is becoming a problem, because it's been REALLY hot in New York and it's definitely pretty stinky around here. And that tends to trigger my gag reflex. So going to work on the subway -- it causes me a good deal of fear and results in my hand being permanently over my mouth and nose. People look at me funny, but I'm pretty sure they prefer that to me puking on their shoes.
- boobs are starting to get sore. Not too bad, but a little bit sore. I hope they get bigger, actually, because, well, I've been holding off on buying new bras since I kept hoping I'd be pregnant, and my old ones are kinda stretched out. (I know, it's pathetic that I've been waiting about a year to buy new bras. I just kept thinking "I'm not going to fit into them soon." and so I waited. Fucking IF even screwed up my lingerie purchases.)

I'd like to try to solve the gagging, dry heaving thing by acquiring some of those pregnancy pops, but even though they are sold at a maternity store right around the corner from my office, I'm fairly convinced that going in there will end this pregnancy immediately. I know it's not rational, but I'm afraid to do anything that even appears to the universe to be taking this for granted. So instead I will gag. (Note - I got anxious just now typing "pregnancy pops" so I don't think I can safely buy them on line either.)

But otherwise? Otherwise I'm still unbelievably grateful for where we are now. It is very theoretical and in no way real, and I'm going to keep it that way until much further down the road because I'm pretty scared about things going awry. But for the time being, I'm still carrying around this sense of wonder and amazement.


  1. Good for you on all of this! I'm so proud of you, because I know how hard it is to keep your brain in line. The gagging must be kind of nice, in a way, as it reminds you that you are STILL pregnant.

    I don't have any morning sickness, just the peeing and somewhat sore (but getting much bigger) breasts. Yesterday they didn't hurt at all though and I pretty much freaked out.

    BTW, my local organic-y grocery store sells ginger hard candies that might be a lot like pregnancy pops, but are not in any way labeled as such. So, if you can find something like that, it might avoid the jinxing thing.

    I SO hear you on the bra thing!!! Too funny.

    Right now I'm about to pop out of couple of relatively newish ones I have, but there is no way in the world I'm going to buy a new one until after the ultra sound next Monday. NO FREAKING WAY. I miscarried right after I broke down and bought a new on last time. Rational? No. But I can't help it.

  2. Yay for ongoing wonder and amazement! I love your symptoms...even though you don't! ;) The gagging, oh the gagging... Once I start gagging (even though I've never vomited once) my whole stomach is just wrecked for the rest of the day. My prenatal prompts the most gagging of all, so I've had to start taking that at night, also while alternating it with a gummy prenatal on some days. But seriously, I hear you... I can't imagine dealing with a hot NY summer full of smells! I mean, my sense of smell is a Spidey sense of smell, hehehe.

    I'm not sure what's in those pregnancy pops, but I'm wondering if you might be able to make your own? Just a thought....

    Anyway, keep those spirits up!

  3. i can't keep secrets from my mom bc she just looks at me and *knows* things. it's unnerving to say the least! i'm glad you're staying somewhat sane and i totally hear you on the nyc stink. i'm not even pregnant, and the stenches here and there have me gagging up a storm as well :o)

  4. Try eating crackers when you're feeling nauteous, that seems to help. I can totally relate to the surreal feelings and being nervous about doing anything à "normal" preggo-girl would do in a heartbeat. Big hugs!!

  5. Lemon wedges (or even the rind of a lemon) were a godsend for me and off smells. I kept a small bag of them with me at all times and just sniffed them when the yucks started. It really helped.

    And even though they make you feel yucky, those are all good signs. I'm 13 weeks now, and still have a touch of the queasies. It does remind me though that something is still going on in there!

  6. I hope you start to feel better soon. I am not sure if this makes sense, but when I was pregnant I spent a lot of time worrying that I would do something to make it go away (like you buying the pops or going into a maternity store). Now after things ended, I wish I did more of that and actually enjoyed my pregnant self.
    Hopefully the heat around here will back off soon so you do not have to fear smelly NYC for much longer.

  7. Well done on not freaking out...still full of joy for you over here, and wishing for double-D bras in your near future!!

  8. These symptoms sound GOOD. Well, not pleasant, exactly, but GOOD in a pregnancy sense:) And I completely understand you on the preggo pops. One option is to make popsicles yourself. Bed, bath and Beyond and a few other places sell popsicle moulds...and you can use a really tart, not to sweet juice for them. It's summer. They can be just for cool relief:)

  9. amazing that you're keeping it a secret, I couldn't do it! congrats on the symptoms x

  10. You are so lucky to have so many symptoms!!! I know you SAY I don't want to have vomited 3x yesterday, but I DO want to!

    As it is, I don't even feel pregnant! I hate it! And I do worry about the lack of symptoms, too, although since I never really had any, I guess I can't...


    I too wanted to tell my mom at first, but that feeling went away... now I can be patient for after the NT scan.