Tuesday, January 12, 2010


I went back to acupuncture today for the first time since right after the transfer of Dec. While I was really really really looking forward to the relaxation, I have to admit I was kind of dreading telling them that the cycle didn't work, and that I was starting on a FET cycle later this week.

For some reason, I just felt embarrassed it didn't work, as if it was something I didn't do right. Now, I know that's kinda crazy, and that I really am doing all that I can, but, well, there it was anyway. I guess part of the way I am dealing with it not working is by creating a logic by which it was significantly more likely NOT to work. Like "no, it's not that I'm old and have old eggs, but just that we only transferred one blastocyst, so we knew it might not work this first time. It has nothing to do with my inability to make a decent egg or provide a hospitable environment for the embryo to grow. Really, we were just doing a test run."

Which is of course only partially true -- there was nothing "test" about it, and I really did believe and hope like hell that it would work. But I feel better if I spin it to myself as if it were destined not to have worked.

But they were lovely about it, and said nice supportive things, and then we got on with it. She got to work on my lower back, which has been KILLING me, and has been "blocking energy to my abdomen" or some such thing. All I know is that a few of the needles in my but/ hips were really quite, well, something. It was clear that they were hitting some sort of sensitive spots. And yet even with all of the initial discomfort, and feeling like I had a porcupine sitting on my rear, I fell sound asleep, which was awesome. And I feel better. It's a marginal improvement, but I'll take it.

To top off an overall good afternoon, I wandered across the street to grab a decaf at the star.bucks. And guess what? They still had eggnog lattes on the menu! I seriously have asked at every single 'bucks in NYC, and there it was, right across from the acupuncturist! So even though it's a small triumph, I am still (6 hours later) quite happy about it.

So more loosening of the back/ abdomen on Thursday, in anticipation for the commencement of the FET... going in for initial monitoring on Saturday, and hoping to start lu.pron (did I just say that? That shit made me *crazy*) that night!

It's been a long few weeks of waiting since the negative right before Christmas. Honestly, I'm just beyond excited to get started again.


  1. Ah...it looks like you are a few weeks behind me on the FET thing. I am so pleased at how "easy" a FET is as compared to a fresh cycle. Good luck!

  2. Yay for a good day when everything falls in place! I totally know what you mean about dreading telling people things didn't work. I switched hair stylists because I couldn't deal with the continued "Are you pregnant yet?" questions from my old one and then I started get worried that I was going to have to ditch my new one because she kept asking. And then this last time, she spilled the beans that she's done THIRTEEN IVFs (Holy crap, lady), so now at least I have someone who understands.

    Sending you many positive vibes that Lupron treats you better this time and that this FET will bring you your baby!

  3. i know that feeling about being excited; I'm at the bit where I'm nervous and all tenter-hooky about my period coming next weds. I flik flak between thinking I'm pregnant and knowing that I'm not. good luck!

  4. I'm weird in that I love it when the acupuncture needles hit the sore spots! If I can feel it, it must be working better, right? Some of them are painful though! I definitely miss my weekly treatments :(.

    I'm getting excited for you to start this new cycle! Wishing you lots of luck!!!

  5. Hi, I'm new to your blog and am looking forward to following. How do you go about finding a good acupuncturist? I've always wanted to try it. Good luck with the start of this new cycle.

    I love the Eggnog lattes too!


  6. I'm with Heather: FET is a BREEZE compared to a fresh cycle. You'll actually enjoy it!!

    I"m glad you worked through your guilt about the failed IVF.

    To anwer maxandzuzu: ask your clinic if they can recommend an acupuncturist. Mine works IN my clinic (but not FOR the clinic).

    Research shows that getting needled directly before and after transfer helps significantly. I think I have the studies sited on my blog.

  7. I love accupuncture. I always feel so much better afterwards. Mine has been such a huge source of support and knowledge. I am set for an FET at the begining of February. Good luck and I will be reading along.