I'm new. To blogging, to be specific. So it's not entirely clear to me what I am supposed to do, but since I have been obsessively reading blogs for the last few months, I guess I can make this up as I go along.
Unfortunately, what I am not new to is trying to get pregnant. That's the part that is neither simple nor easy, and that's really what has drawn me to this whole blogging thing -- I need to get some stuff off of my chest, and this seems like the best way of doing it.
I'm not entirely sure what I hope to gain from doing this -- maybe to feel a little bit more a part of a community as opposed to alone, stranded on this bloody barren island. I've found that this whole TTC/ IF thing is the most lonely I have ever been, in part because I can't really figure out to whom to talk to about this.
Here's what's going on and why I am looking to the internet:
I'm 39. 39.5, actually, for those of you counting. And (Remember when you were little and were so excited about being 5 and a half? 6 and 3 quarters? I'm not that excited about the extra half now. Funny how that changes.) I have no kids, and have never even seen that elusive second line on the HPT. Sometimes I have tried 3-4 HPTs, but never seen that little line.
Since I take a long time to do anything, I just got married about a year ago -- even though we met almost 5 years ago, it never occurred to the Boy and I to hurry things along because this getting pregnant thing would be hard.
Getting married and planning the wedding was super fun, and so once that was done, we started our next project -- getting pregnant and planning for our family. Turns out that planning a wedding was easier. We've been TTC for 9 months, done 3 clomid cycles, and are going to jump into IVF later this month once the cycle starts again.
I know 8 months might not seem like that long, but it's pretty much eternity at my age, and our RE is worried that my fertility will fall off of a cliff in the near term, so onward we march through the wilds of ART.
I think that I would probably not have turned to this whole blogging thingy if I was busier -- right now, as mentioned above, I'm not really working -- made a choice to leave my job earlier this year, and am now kinda just hanging around.
Similarly, husband is not working. So we are both hanging out in our not-exactly-super-spacious NYC apartment. So yeah, I need something to do to keep me from going batty, and preferably something that doesn't cost money!
Other complications in our lives:
The Boy's father had lymphoma, but it's been in remission for over 2 years. Now it's back and chemo has started again. It's not a good thing, and causes a fair amount of stress.
My mom had breast cancer 16 years ago. It's back, too. Surgery is next week, so I am heading home to help out.
So we have two parents with cancer at the same time. It's beyond absurd.
So as a run down:
- both my husband and I are unemployed
- we each have a parent recently diagnosed with cancer
- try as we might, we are about to start IVF since I can't seem to get pregnant.
Seriously, it's no wonder I am looking for an outlet for all of this. Welcome to my blog!