Friday, September 25, 2009

Cha cha cha

I started going to an acupuncturist last week. As a little context, she's been highly recommended on a bunch of the NYC infertility boards, so I didn't just pick her out of the phonebook or anything.

I went for a couple of reasons -- (a) anything that will make this upcoming IVF cycle a success seems like a great investment of time and resources and (b) I have really really tight muscles in my lower back that are resistant to stretching and massage, so I'm not super comfortable and would like to sort this out asap.

(Note that when I say that they are not super responsive to stretching, I mean that since I started my new physical fitness regimen 2 weeks ago, they haven't magically improved. Not sure why -- I mean, shouldn't just walking into the gym fix everything?)

So yesterday I was on the table having needles placed on my legs, hips and behind (yeah -- it's about as sexy as it sounds -- once again the indignities of this process astound me) and the acupuncturist asked me "do you dance?" Now, she has a kind of thick Chinese accent, so I wasn't exactly sure what she said, so I just grunted "ummm..." in response, since I was also pretty focused on those aforementioned needles going into my rear.

This part, though, I was sure I heard..."Well then, you should do the cha cha every evening. It helps with circulation to your hips and your entire pelvic region and will make it better for the baby."


The cha cha? That's the solution to all of my problems? Damn, I'll sign up for Dancing with the Stars or some other such bullshit if that's what I need to do to get pregnant.

I can only imagine the conversation with the Boy: "So, umm, sweetie... you know all those samples you gave for SA? Well, it turns out that we didn't really need those, and we didn't need the 10 pints of blood I gave for genetic and endocrinological testing. Nor did the entire free world need to peer between my legs. But enough of what we don't need. Here's what I need from you now. I need you to dance. Yes -- that's right -- dance. Specifically, the cha cha cha. No -- it can't be the foxtrot or salsa -- it has to be the cha cha cha. Well, umm, my acupuncturist said that's the best thing, and she has all kinds of pictures of new babies on her office wall, so I think she knows what she is talking about. Yeah, I know the videos and lessons will cost a bit, but, well, it's a lot cheaper than IVF, right? See, I knew that logic would be compelling. OK -- cool. Thanks."

Yeah -- I see it going just like that.

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