Saturday, September 26, 2009

Coming out of hiding

I have found this entire IF thing pretty difficult to talk about with people, and since most of my close friends are either pregnant or have young children, I've been pretty much hiding out all summer long. But in the last two days, I'm slowly trying to come out of the cave -- I'm still shielding my eyes from the light a little bit, but I think I'm more out than in.

Item 1:
I called my best friend, who gave birth 10 days ago to her second child, a little girl. This is the same best friend who I have been completely hiding from for the past 3 months, since seeing her get closer to having a second baby just seemed too hard to bear. And we talked. We talked for hours and hours, actually, which was great. And I apologized for not being able to be more grown up about talking to her, and she told me I didn't need to apologize, and then it was all better.

Item 2:
The boy and I went out to dinner with another couple who had a 3 month old baby. They got pregnant -- catch this -- by accident. But it's not their fault they are just more fertile, right? It doesn't really make them bad people, does it? They didn't do it to make me sad, right?
Anyway, we went out, and we talked about the baby, and how their lives are changed, and I didn't poke my eyes out with a chopstick. I wanted to a couple of times, but I didn't, and that makes me feel pretty good.

Item 3:
Another friend of mine (who is also friends with the above 2 women) has been MIA all summer -- she's been really tough to reach and keeps cancelling plans. I had heard (via another friend) that she has been trying to get pregnant for well over a year now, and she's about to turn 40, so I jumped to the conclusion that she, too, was having IF issues. And I emailed her, told her I think I understood why she was hiding, and that I was happy to talk, if she wanted to, because this is super sucky, but even more sucky when you feel like you are the only person in the entire world who can't seem to get pregnant or stay that way.

So it turns out I was right, and she has been hiding in her very own cave across the river in Brooklyn. So the two of us cave dwellers are having dinner on Tuesday. I will pick somewhere with dim lighting to mimic the cave-like atmosphere we are so used to. I also suspect that at least one of us will cry a little bit, so lighting will help make our weepiness less noticeable.

We are having friends over for dinner tonight who have a young son, and who pretty much talk about only their young son. If I manage to not run into my bedroom and slam the door, I will call it a really banner week. Either way, I'm pretty proud of myself for this week and may deserve a second piece of the plum tart I just pulled from the oven.

1 comment:

  1. Loved reading this article. I am somewhat going through the same thing. I'm not angry that I have friends that are either trying for a child, are pregnant, or recently conceived. I just don't want to be tiptoed around any longer. I do have those occasional bad or sad days but it isn't a personal strike towards anyone. It really hurts when people close to you decide they don't want you to be a part of their life anymore because of a pregnancy or a child.