Today I went in for my first monitoring appt this cycle. There are 3 follicles, each at about 10mm.
Three is bad.
Last time after 5 days of stimulation there were 9, and I was anxious that it was so low, but then ended up with a whole bunch at the end (18 were retrieved).
Three is even worse because my RE upped my drugs this time to try to get me "up the curve" faster instead of all at the end. But apparently that is just not working. In fact, it appears to be having the exact opposite effect, which means I am panicking.
My RE is out of town this week, and so I saw another one this morning. Here's her comments:
"Hmm, this is very different than last time"
"This is quite disappointing"
"How old are you, again?"
"Well, your AMH levels look good, but this test is from 6 months ago."
When pressed as to why there would be such a difference, I get: "You know, I've had 2 patients in the last 6 months who were showing great ovarian reserve levels and had good response, and then just a few months later, their ovarian reserve just fell off a cliff, and they really didn't respond to the stimulation drugs anymore. Do you want to check on yours again? That test will be back in 3 weeks."
I told her that wasn't exactly reassuring. She didn't appear to be interested.
So in the absence of reassurance, I'm fucking panicking. I feel as if I've been punched in the chest and I can't catch my breath. I feel as if I am watching everything I wanted just turn to shit in front of my eyes.
And yeah, I know I'm being melodramatic, but I'm scared as hell that I've missed my window to make this work.