Thursday, March 18, 2010

Un-birthday cake

So I haven't been blogging all that much recently, and I think that's generally ok, because frankly there just isn't a whole hell of a lot going on with me, infertility wise.

Today was my lastest bcp and so now I'm waiting for the cycle to start again so that I can begin injectables.... I'm relatively sanguine about this whole thing, because this time we are not going to do a single embryo transfer, and since I've rationalized in my head that was the cause of the failure of my first IVF and FET, well -- this one clearly is going to work. Note to all of you paying attention: 1+1=2. So even if I had put those same two embryos back in at the same time, it's pretty damned likely that it would not have worked that way either. But I'm irrational about this and need to believe that this cycle is just the magic one.

Plus, I can't possibly reach 40 and not be pregnant, right? Please? Seriously, whoever out there is listening, I'm turning 40 at the beginning of May and I'm really worried that I am going to become totally unhinged as the day approaches if this cycle doesn't work.

I mean, I'm already 3/4 of the way to crazy most days -- if this goes bad and I turn 40 all at the same time? I suspect I'll need a padded room.

To ensure that I am fat (as well as crazy and still barren) on my 40th birthday, I have hidden away in my bag a piece of cake that I acquired on the way home from, well, from the gym actually. I'm kind of debating waiting on eating it until tomorrow, but what I'm really thinking is that a piece of cake and a glass of milk would be a perfect accompaniment to the Daily Show in 10 minutes. So cake it is. If only I could eat my way to a positive pregnancy test.


  1. Oh, what a brilliant idea - conception cake! Yes, I am on the Betty Crocker protocol...I did Sarah Lee last time for an FET, and it didn't work, and our plan doesn't cover Duncan Hines, so I start frosting tonight!

    I hear you on the birthday thing - each one feels like a landmine up ahead...If it's any comfort whatsoever, I try to remember what a doctor told me a long time ago - that your body doesn't know how old it is and nothing magically happens on the day of your birthday...fertility doesn't work like that, apparently. I constantly troll the pregnancy over 40 sites myself in an effort to prepare for the possibility and avoid the padded room if I can - I am crossing everything that this is your cycle and you won't have to worry about it!


  2. I just made a rum cake for DH last night and we had huuuge pieces during 30Rock. Really should have called it rum-soaked cake, because WOW I felt like I had had a shot of rum afterward. Is that safe during the 2ww? LOL oh well :).
    A big birthday is coming up for me next month, and I can feel it floating in the back of my mind waiting to jump out and wallop me if I'm not pregnant. These milestones suck.
    Good luck with this cycle - I hope you spend your 40th birthday knocked up :).

  3. mmmm... cake!
    If all is right in universe you should be pregnant the day you turn 40... and me too. This May. You hear that Mr. Circus Director?
    Thank You!

  4. Oh I totally sympathize on the "I'm going to be 40 at the beginning of June and if I'm not pregnant by then, well....." front! But as my DH says, how, exactly, are you going to be different on June 1 versus June 2 (when I turn 40)? I hate when he's right. :-) So, I'm trying not to think of it as a deadline. The only thing I do know is that it will indeed involve cake! (preferably chocolate with peanut butter frosting!) Wishing you lots of luck on this next cycle.