Which is basically a recipe for disaster.
Before we get into how my head is completely f*cking with me (because you know, its my *head* and I couldn't possibly control it), I think that it's important that we review the numbers:
- National SART stats for likelihood of live birth per cycle for women 41-42 (with previous ART cycle and prev. live birth): 14.5%
-My age: 41 years and 50 weeks
- Number of embryos I transferred: 3, all 8-celled
- Days post-transfer: 7
- Days remaining until test: 5
What I'd really like to know are the cumulative live birth rates for my age cohort, but I can't seem to find that. If anyone has them, feel free to share!
So while several of the comments raise the possibility of triplets (and here I say Heaven forfend!), I think that I am much more likely to have zero babies than any number greater than zero. Because I am old. And my eggs? They are even older.
But instead of understanding these numbers and internalizing the very low probability of success this cycle, instead I am letting myself open the door to a bit of foolish optimism. It's absurd, and violates my belief in always assuming the worst and then being pleasantly surprised. Because at heart, though I am cynical, and bitchy and dark, I am an optimist and I just can't really believe that 15% means just that -- a 1 in 6 shot.
So why have I let my head screw with me (see above for how my head is totally on its own here, and pretty much outside of my influence)? Because I am crampy. Not in a "I'm getting my period" sort of way, but in a "something is afoot down there, there are all sorts of pulling and twinge-y things occurring." So that has me totally convinced that I am beating the odds and am actually going to get pregnant with a take home baby this cycle. I know that's ridiculous, but there you go.
Also, because we've never put back nearly this many embryos before (we are usually eSET people, but at my age we decided after much discussion that it was a waste of time to take that approach), my head equates more embryos in with much higher chance of pregnancy. In short, I believe that it now HAS to work.
I'm heading for a huge, tremendous disappointment.