Monday, May 17, 2010

Thank you

Thanks to you all for your help with both my recent MTHFR diagnosis (is that the right word?) and in supporting me through this bumpy path with my friend-who-could-not-be-more-tone-deaf.

So what have I learned and done since then? I learned that I have only one copy of the MTHFR mutation, although I don't know which part of the gene, so I guess that's better than it could be. And since I am a firm believer in taking my medical care into my own hands, I have basically increased my folic acid, b-6, and b-12 intake to what it would be if I was also taking Folgard with my prenatal. Lastly, I have added a baby aspirin.

I do promise to tell the RE all of this before I start my next cycle (in about a week, unless I am miraculously pregnant this month), but I figured that I could get things started now. As far as I can tell, these vitamins are all water soluble, so there's no real downside risk of taking more.

Other news? I have not heard any more from tone-deaf friend, and I'm thinking she thinks she was super helpful and now I'm just being difficult and "hiding." And it's true, I have hidden out before when things were bad, but I had dinner and brunch with other friends this weekend, and am pretty open about things, so that's not what is going on now. I'm sure she just thinks I can't deal with her blissfully happy life, but in fact I just can't deal with her. Clearly I am still hurt/ angry and so I'm going to have to sit with this for a while more before I'm willing to call her, and I think I may just wait for her to call me.

But it was really really nice to hear from you all that I was not unreasonable in being disappointed at the emails I received, and it makes me feel better knowing that you all do get it. We each are following different paths and are in different places, but understanding the soul- crushing experience of wanting something very badly and not being able to make it happen? You all get it. And while I wouldn't wish this on anyone, I'm really happy that you are here.

Otherwise, things are just fine. Had a nice weekend and now am just waiting for my period to come (ugh) so that we can get started again on IVF v.3.0


  1. Your friend just makes me sad, man. You took a chance by pouring out your emotions, and even tried to be sensitive to how it might make her feel... you got a big fat zero from her. I'm still kind of stunned, in fact. (Is she incredibly busy? Is she incredibly self-involved? WTF!) But I hope you won't give up entirely on the idea of seeking support, either from her or other friends. It doesn't always work, but it is possible. Of course, more than that I hope this next cycle is The One, and while that would not make everything okay, it would certainly help...

  2. I might be misremembering, but I think it is possible to over-do B6, so yeah, I'd double check with your RE about the doses. Thinking of you.

  3. I've taken extra vitamin B6 (against LDP) and gotten funny feelings in my feet from it -- and I was below the official maxima that are recommended. Maybe I'm overly sensitive, but you might want to watch out on that one.

  4. Thanks for the advice on this -- the B6 I am taking is only what is in the prenatal (same amount as in Folgard), so I'm not taking any extra of that.

  5. It's really good that you have just the one copy. A huge percentage of the world population is hetero for it. Definitely talk to your doc - I always heard 1 tablet of Folgard if you're hetero, 2 if you're homo (one for each mutation) but it's worth checking with your doc about that, and about the aspirin. I've had mixed feelings about the latter, and the docs I've seen have given opposite advice. So it's hard to know what to make of it.

    Like you, I'm a hider outer. Breathing room, I like to think. But your response to your friend was most definitely NOT unreasonable. It isn't a matter of dealing/not dealing. If the shoe were on the other foot, you would seek to minimize your friend's pain. It's only fair that she do this for you, and she didn't. But hopefully she will GET it with time (eventually being better than never).

  6. Just getting caught up. UGH about your friend. A bath mat? Seriously? I feel your pain. I am not "out" to very many people and this is exactly why. I can't deal with things like that. That said, I am having a difficult time communicating about IF with my sister. She just doesn't seem to fully understand how bad it feels, especially now that we are done doing treatments. I tried explaining to her that I was mourning the loss of her and, symbolically of course. I tried to explain to her that it would be like mom and dad not having us. Since both my brothers are adopted I was using that as an analogy to explain my feelings of loss while still feeling excited about our adoption. And that I was mourning the loss of biology. Her response? To tell me that it wasn't exactly the same, as we've been alive for over 30 years and they'd be more sad if we were dead. UGH. Totally. missed. the. point. I've just had to tune her out for awhile.

    I do love having my blog as a way to get validation. I can feel myself withdrawing from many people in my life right now, so blogging, my husband and my mother are really my only infertility outlet these days.

    I totally "get" how you feel. I'm feeling it myself. Take care.

  7. sooo glad you're hetero on the mthfr! my RE said the same thing, that 1 folgard is fine for hetero, 2 for homo C. and i'm with you on the baby aspirin train. is a GOOD idea. i think you have to stop one week prior to egg retrieval, so that risk of extra bleeding is minimized, but you can start back on it after retrieval is done.

    i don't even know what to say about your friend. clueless is the only word that comes to mind. i know i'm biased bc i'm a fellow subfertile, but i don't think it's too much to ask a friend to READ a 6 page little thing and trying to actually *be* supportive as opposed to TALKing about "society, blah blah blah".

    big hugs to ya for this next cycle :o)

  8. hey there - i don't see your email on your blog, so email me at and i'll tell you about my old and new RE!!