Thursday, August 9, 2012

Well that sucked

I got the results of my cycle this morning as we started homeward from our two week vacation -- negative.

I'm not that surprised since the embryos all kinda sucked -- 6,5, and 4 cells at three days, when usually mine go to 8, but I am wondering whether this relatively crappy cycle (11 retrieved but only 3 fertilized with icsi) is a sign of things to come and that my fertility has in fact fallen of a cliff.

Basically, I'm starting to think that this 42 year old is just too old for this bullshit and I should give up, strong desires for a second child notwithstanding.

I haven't spoken to my dr yet -- we are in the car and have a sleeping baby and only sketchy signal (and so sorry for typos, too).  I will try to connect with him tomorrow.

Anyway sorry for not commenting a lot recently -- I was trying to kind of checkout from this whole thing during the wait. I have been reading the last couple of days, and will re-engage soon.

Fuck. This pisses me off.  I kinda thought that after the last cycle miscarrige shitshow  I might catch a break.   Apparently my notions of "fairness" are not at play here.

12 comments:

  1. Oh, I am so sorry.

    Just a quick glance at your sidebar...not sure if you had better fertilization rates when you were doing IVF for B. But, from what I remember about what "should" happen, that's a lot of mature eggs with not much fertilization for both those cycles, esp. with ICSI. Maybe it's not so much being 42 but a particular egg/sperm issue?

    Regardless, it sucks. And I'm truly sorry. And, no, it's not fair. None of it is.

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  2. I'm so sorry. I too was hoping you'd catch a break after the m/c. Don't rush to any conclusions based on this cycle, give yourself some time to think about it and see what the doc says. Hugs

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  3. I am so sorry. This sucks. I, too, was pulling for good news as you very much deserve to get a break. Sending good thoughts that your doctor has plans and answers.

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  4. Aw, damn. I'm sorry. I totally hear where you are coming from, as you well know. It is a hard place to be, why can't this shit just be easy, ya know? Hugs, sweetie. And enjoy the vacation, car-ride with baby withstanding.

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  5. Sorry to hear this. You did deserve a lucky break. Here's hoping that you'll still get one whatever you do next. Take care!

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  6. Shit. I am so sorry. I understand wanting to check out and to give up, but I am hoping there are a few more things you can try. This truly blows.

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  7. 43 here, 2 failed IVFs. No living children yet. The desire is there for children and I understand how you feel. There are days like today, that I just want to throw in the towel.

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  8. that just totally sucks, and I am so very sorry.

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  9. Oh man, I am so sorry :(. ((hugs))

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  10. I am so sorry:( It's insult to injury after miscarriage. And you're right: the universe does not know how to play fair.

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  11. I'm so sorry. That really does suck. ((hugs))

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