Thursday, August 9, 2012

Well that sucked

I got the results of my cycle this morning as we started homeward from our two week vacation -- negative.

I'm not that surprised since the embryos all kinda sucked -- 6,5, and 4 cells at three days, when usually mine go to 8, but I am wondering whether this relatively crappy cycle (11 retrieved but only 3 fertilized with icsi) is a sign of things to come and that my fertility has in fact fallen of a cliff.

Basically, I'm starting to think that this 42 year old is just too old for this bullshit and I should give up, strong desires for a second child notwithstanding.

I haven't spoken to my dr yet -- we are in the car and have a sleeping baby and only sketchy signal (and so sorry for typos, too).  I will try to connect with him tomorrow.

Anyway sorry for not commenting a lot recently -- I was trying to kind of checkout from this whole thing during the wait. I have been reading the last couple of days, and will re-engage soon.

Fuck. This pisses me off.  I kinda thought that after the last cycle miscarrige shitshow  I might catch a break.   Apparently my notions of "fairness" are not at play here.

15 comments:

  1. Oh, I am so sorry.

    Just a quick glance at your sidebar...not sure if you had better fertilization rates when you were doing IVF for B. But, from what I remember about what "should" happen, that's a lot of mature eggs with not much fertilization for both those cycles, esp. with ICSI. Maybe it's not so much being 42 but a particular egg/sperm issue?

    Regardless, it sucks. And I'm truly sorry. And, no, it's not fair. None of it is.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm so sorry. I too was hoping you'd catch a break after the m/c. Don't rush to any conclusions based on this cycle, give yourself some time to think about it and see what the doc says. Hugs

    ReplyDelete
  3. I am so sorry. This sucks. I, too, was pulling for good news as you very much deserve to get a break. Sending good thoughts that your doctor has plans and answers.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Aw, damn. I'm sorry. I totally hear where you are coming from, as you well know. It is a hard place to be, why can't this shit just be easy, ya know? Hugs, sweetie. And enjoy the vacation, car-ride with baby withstanding.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Sorry to hear this. You did deserve a lucky break. Here's hoping that you'll still get one whatever you do next. Take care!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Shit. I am so sorry. I understand wanting to check out and to give up, but I am hoping there are a few more things you can try. This truly blows.

    ReplyDelete
  7. 43 here, 2 failed IVFs. No living children yet. The desire is there for children and I understand how you feel. There are days like today, that I just want to throw in the towel.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Agh fuck. I'm really sorry. I understand wanting to throw in the towel big time. This IVF is it for us. But its also really hard to let go of your desire for a second child. I know it will be for me. Thinking of you ...

    ReplyDelete
  9. Oh fuck, FUCK fuck. I'm so very sorry. I can't imagine the heartbreak you guys must be dealing with right now. I hope your doctor is totally honest and up front about the best course of action...and that the answer is there's good reason to try again.

    ReplyDelete
  10. that just totally sucks, and I am so very sorry.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Oh man, I am so sorry :(. ((hugs))

    ReplyDelete
  12. I am so sorry:( It's insult to injury after miscarriage. And you're right: the universe does not know how to play fair.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I'm so sorry. That really does suck. ((hugs))

    ReplyDelete