#2 7dp3dt

And here we are. Nothing much to report on the "am I pregnant or not" front, except to note that I far preferred the progesterone suppositories to the enormous needle I stick into my rear end every evening.

Seriously, though, no symptoms at all -- not from the HCG or from the 1cc of progesterone I take daily.

If I believed it mattered, I would say that the last cycle I did that resulted in a pregnancy I also was completely symptomless, so that this is a good sign. But I don't really put much stock in that. (Ok, my brain doesn't. But the heart? The heart wants to believe.)

Beta is on MONDAY, which is like aeons away (they don't do them on the weekends).

In other news, B is growing increasingly confident with his walking (can go 5-10 feet on his own, although he is like Frankenstein with his arms out and legs kind of stiff), and continues to astound me with his vocabulary. Saturday, he pointed at my watch and said "watch." To which I responded "holy shit!" which, retrospectively, was ill-advised since he is learning and repeating words very rapidly. And he can now say the dog's name, and Dada, and his nanny's name. Mama? Not so much. But despite his preference for everyone but me, his mommy loves him very much and thinks he is the most wonderful baby in the whole world.

Caption for the attached: "Give me that cake now! I don't want any low sugar banana bread bullshit. I want the chocolate cake."

So here we are...

I am lying in bed resting pos t transfer. There is one "very good looking, almost perfect" embryo nestled in, and one more not quite so handsome embryo hanging out in a dish for a few more days to see if it will make it to freeze at 5 days.

The numbers? Retrieved 14 eggs, 11 mature. But only 2 fertilized, which had me all sorts of freaked out this weekend, and of course it was a long weekend and no one knew anything and I spent all morning and most of Sunday and yesterday panicking that they both were gong to die off. But they didnt and my happy embryo is now back with me.

(side note and rant: I don't refer to embryos as "embies" nor do I think follicles are "follies.". For some reason the infantilization of the language of conception strikes me as demeaning and even slightly patriarchal, like "look at those little girls playing with their eggies and their dollies. " I feel we need to respect our own maturity and fortitude a little more than that. I'm sure I sound like a huge bore, but there you go. Been stewing about that for a bit.)

Anyway, more research to do about why only 2 fertilized, but still waiting for the embryology and andrology reports to get to my dr. But what he said this morning also resonates with me: that even with Icsi, which we used, fertilization numbers are on a bell curve and sometimes fewer fertilize. Usually it's 70 or so percent, but sometimes it is just less, and that is also normal. Anyway, since we were only going to put one back in anyway ( yep, still the crazy eSet couple), this worked out ok!

And we are off!

Retrieval is this morning an so, while I intended to write a longer post while waiting, instead I have an IV needle in my hand and a. BP monitor on my right index finger, so I am a bit hampered by that.

There are at least 6 follicles ready to go and estrogen climbed appropriately. I am excited and hopeful, but feel somewhat disconnected emotionally because I don't have the same desperate feeling of want and need. Maybe it's not emotionally disconnected, but just that the emotions are not as heightened thus go round. But I will take that over the panic and fear. I'd realy like ths to work, but I guess am ok if it does not. Whereas last time? Not ok.

Anyhow, more when I have both hands!

My life by the numbers

372 -- days my baby has been out in the world. How did that go by so fast?

11 -- people who came over to lunch on Sunday to celebrate the big day. (No, there was no pony, no clown and no face painting. Just family having lunch and cake.)

8 -- maximum number of steps B has taken by himself. It's been a steep curve starting from his first step on Friday. I think we have walking. Wow!

2 -- boxes of Kleenex I have gone through at the office since Thursday as I have a cold that will NOT go away

2 -- shots I have given myself every night for the last five days

1 -- big bruise so far from hitting a blood vessel

9 -- follicles found on my ovaries at monitoring this morning

1 -- random acquaintance I have seen at the clinic

Obviously there is a lot going on at casa Irrational, but I am slammed at work but just wanted to get out a short post. I'm kind of amazed I am keeping it all together -- much more to say, but running to a meeting.