Friday, August 6, 2010


Pretty much everything about having a baby is a series of ambiguous choices. No one really knows what the "right" answer is, and the "go with your gut" is often the only way to really avoid being gripped with indecision and paralyzed at the crossroads.

From the very beginning, there were decisions:
- Should we have a baby?
- When should we stop birth control?
- Is it time yet to get some advice about why this isn't happening?
- Do we do IUI or IVF?
- Which clinic do we choose?
- How many embryos do we put back in?
- Are we ready to cycle again?
- Who do we tell that we are infertile?
- Do we skip the baby shower?
- Do we switch REs?
- Are we ready to start thinking about alternative routes to a family?

Now there are a whole bunch of new questions, some of which have answers:
- Do we tell anyone? (Nope, except one friend who just had her second baby, her first was IVF, and she "gets" it)
- Do we want to know the sex? (Nope)
- Are we able to handle a disabled child? (Not really. That's the honest truth for us.)
- Do we want to find out if everything is chromosomally ok? And when? (See below)
- How do I deal with feeling so physically crappy but at the same time remaining incredibly grateful? (Work in progress. Depends on my level of nausea and exhaustion)
- Do I have to tell everyone I am pregnant how I got to be? I'm not ashamed of the IVF, but is it anyone's business? Will I help the "cause" if I am open? (Not yet an issue, still thinking)
And I'm betting that there are more that haven't even arisen yet, but that list has already taken quite a decision-making toll on that "instinct."

Since the Boy and I both agree on what we will do with the chromosomal information, we are going forward with the CVS test next week. Thanks to all of you for your wisdom and advice -- ultimately it came down to what would work for us as a couple and (that old standby) our gut feeling.

As of today (10w1d) all is well. We took a look and it's about 3cm long and has a strong heartbeat (she didn't measure, and I resisted the urge to say "I must know this -- I need data!" because she did say that everything looked just perfect). It was on a different angle/ plane today, so initially there was just a big black circle, which created some panic, but then we found it, and it looks, well, less alien-like, but still kind of like something from a movie you might see at a drive in (back when there were drive ins).

So onward we go. Next week is a big week for us, so I'm just holding tight until then.


  1. YAY! So good to hear that the baby is strong. :)

    Good luck on the CVS -- I know everything will be ok!

  2. wishing you the best of luck with the cvs. So glad that everthing is moving forward.

  3. Perfect sounds good! I'm sure good old gut instinct will guide you soundly again.

  4. We will do the same thing -- and it helps to hear your thoughts as you go through this a week before me. Thanks for sharing. GOOD LUCK!

  5. I'm so glad everything is going well, and you've made a decision about testing that feels right to the two of you. The nice thing is that odds are extremely high that everything will go well no matter what you choose to do. When do you go in for CVS? Next week? It will be nice to have that milestone behind you :)

  6. I am so relieved to read your post on Leslie's blog that you are in drawstring pants and long past jeans! I can still kind of put on my jeans, but they are SO uncomfortable and sitting is downright torture around my belly. I am loving my stretchy wasted skirts, and am so happy to know I'm not alone (and I'm a week behind you!)

  7. I am so glad that things are going well - and I will be crossing EVERYTHING for you next week. May it come quickly, may it end with great big smiles.

  8. I responded to your pants question on my blog- they are from Motherhood, and I can get more details off the tag if you want. They are amazing.

  9. When is your CVS test? How are you doing?