Friday, January 20, 2012

So much to say, so little time to say it

I have about 6 different blog posts bouncing about in my head, and yet for some reason I never find the time to sit down and write. Maybe its the full-time work, desire to actually eat food that I cook in the evenings, or constant cold that has been bouncing around our household for the last 5 weeks, but I have been just super tired, and when I read posts at night on the ipad or bberry, i just can't muster the energy to type a post.

I'm going to take some advice from another blogger and try to make posts shorter and more frequent, for fear that I will never really find the time if I want to do a "real" post.

Big thing coming? B is turning 1. It's amazing and crazy and I am so happy that he is in my life -- that he IS my life -- that I weep just thinking about it (yep, all teary, here in my glass walled office. Nice.) My tiny little baby is not only not so tiny (he's enormous -- over 31 inches at last check and over 27 lbs), but he eats food with his hands that requires chewing and can go fetch a book off the shelf and open it to the picture of the duck and say "Duh" and can take the stick from the bottom of his xylophone and actually hit the part that makes music. When I come home he smiles so wide and crawls to me so fast that my heart could just split wide open with happiness.

Yet I miss the tiny little baby that would sleep on my shoulder; nowadays B either wants to be down on the floor doing his own thing or is standing on my lap yanking off my glasses or trying to remove the parts of my face that he thinks should be his to play with. Only because B has had a cold off and on since, oh, forever has he been a bit more snuggly -- when he had a fever he just wanted to be held and rocked, and even though I knew he was feeling bad I loved the cuddling.

DH and I were looking at newborn pictures of B the other day, and his smallness was just remarkable -- and I realize that I have forgotten some things. Like what he wore; someone who is pregnant asked me what she needed to buy and I didn't really remember. All of his newborn clothes are packed away, and there are pictures, but I know that there were onesies and gowns, and a footie with icecream cones and pink bows, but that I can't recall him actually in the clothes makes me sad, because that means I am losing details of the most transformative experience of my entire life.

But my baby is almost 1 and can climb onto things to reach other things that he MUST have, and stands on his tip toes to reach up to pretty much anything. And he can tell me when he is hungry by saying "puff" (I give him a few puffs to occupy him in the highchair while I get his food ready). All of which is completely amazing to me. So maybe the details of 11 months ago are fading, but every day there are new things that make my eyes tear up and my heart grow bigger with joy.

Ben in the hotel restaurant on Christmas Day. Good thing this picture doesn't include the floor under his high chair!


  1. love this pic. i have to say, i'm still tickled pink from watching B eat his pasta last weekend. i'm sure you were having a heartattack watching him repeatedly resting his face on his food, but i thought it was adorable (remind me of please this when i complain about P doing it). happy almost 1st birthday to the cutie pie!! xoxo.

  2. My baby is only 5 months old and I already can't remember how small she was when we first brought her home!! Your little guy is so incredibly handsome! Congrats on making it through the first year!

  3. Oh my goodness is he cute! I think it's natural that some of the details fade. I was just watching some videos from LG at age 4 and she was a completely different kid--all chubby and round and now she's this long-legged almost adult looking person. But watching them grow? Yup, pretty amazing.

  4. OMG he is so cute! They grow up so quickly. I wonder if I'm going to end up taking daily pictures of mine? Just so I don't forget. Fibromyalgia makes me forgot so darn much some times.

  5. I know, it's so hard to believe that they almost aren't babies anymore! B is sooo handsome, and it sounds like he's super smart too.

  6. AAAAAAAAAAHHH! I can't believe he's turning one soon! Though he certainly looks like a grown up, and a mighty handsome one at that. He has been just gorgeous from the very beginning.

    I suppose the reality is that we can't both live it and capture every last detail forever. Far better to savor the moment when you can (you know, when you're not half dead with a cold and cooking after a long day of work!)

  7. I love hearing these details. He's so cute...and looks like a real little New Yorker, completely at ease in a restaurant (floor notwithstanding). I had a pang reading the bits about forgetting. I've told Mr. D that - in some ways - it's tremendously sucky to go through these first few months so underslept and, well, fuzzy. But you're right about savouring the joy in where you are right now.

  8. I know! I so hear you on all of this. The last year has gone way too fast, and it breaks my heart. I am so grateful that I am a photography maniac and have probably taken at least one photo of M every single day of her life. I LOVE looking at them, and especially watching the videos of her. But it's not the same. I couldn't figure out how to save the *feeling* of holding newborn M in my arms. Those real life things slip away much much too fast.

    it's wonderful to hear from you again. I can't get over B's use of words! happy almost birthday little guy. He sure is CUTE.

  9. Wow?! Almost 1? Wow. What an absolute cutie!!

    I'm with you on trying to blog in smaller chunks more frequently. I tend to have lots of ideas and no time to do it and then try to get it all out at once -- which results in long, boring blog posts that no one can possibly be interested in!!