So much to say, so little time to say it

I have about 6 different blog posts bouncing about in my head, and yet for some reason I never find the time to sit down and write. Maybe its the full-time work, desire to actually eat food that I cook in the evenings, or constant cold that has been bouncing around our household for the last 5 weeks, but I have been just super tired, and when I read posts at night on the ipad or bberry, i just can't muster the energy to type a post.

I'm going to take some advice from another blogger and try to make posts shorter and more frequent, for fear that I will never really find the time if I want to do a "real" post.

Big thing coming? B is turning 1. It's amazing and crazy and I am so happy that he is in my life -- that he IS my life -- that I weep just thinking about it (yep, all teary, here in my glass walled office. Nice.) My tiny little baby is not only not so tiny (he's enormous -- over 31 inches at last check and over 27 lbs), but he eats food with his hands that requires chewing and can go fetch a book off the shelf and open it to the picture of the duck and say "Duh" and can take the stick from the bottom of his xylophone and actually hit the part that makes music. When I come home he smiles so wide and crawls to me so fast that my heart could just split wide open with happiness.

Yet I miss the tiny little baby that would sleep on my shoulder; nowadays B either wants to be down on the floor doing his own thing or is standing on my lap yanking off my glasses or trying to remove the parts of my face that he thinks should be his to play with. Only because B has had a cold off and on since, oh, forever has he been a bit more snuggly -- when he had a fever he just wanted to be held and rocked, and even though I knew he was feeling bad I loved the cuddling.

DH and I were looking at newborn pictures of B the other day, and his smallness was just remarkable -- and I realize that I have forgotten some things. Like what he wore; someone who is pregnant asked me what she needed to buy and I didn't really remember. All of his newborn clothes are packed away, and there are pictures, but I know that there were onesies and gowns, and a footie with icecream cones and pink bows, but that I can't recall him actually in the clothes makes me sad, because that means I am losing details of the most transformative experience of my entire life.

But my baby is almost 1 and can climb onto things to reach other things that he MUST have, and stands on his tip toes to reach up to pretty much anything. And he can tell me when he is hungry by saying "puff" (I give him a few puffs to occupy him in the highchair while I get his food ready). All of which is completely amazing to me. So maybe the details of 11 months ago are fading, but every day there are new things that make my eyes tear up and my heart grow bigger with joy.

Ben in the hotel restaurant on Christmas Day. Good thing this picture doesn't include the floor under his high chair!