yeah, but *I* think it's funny

So as it turns out, when you are an infant, people (like your mom) can dress you up in funny outfits and you cannot do a damned thing about it. Except make funny faces and look sort of put out, which is what Mr B resorted to when I put his sunglasses on.

It was bad enough that I insisted on the concert t-shirt that his daddy bought, the one that doesn't have snaps or anything at the neckline. But the glasses? The indignities never end. In fact, I suspect that they are only beginning.

Everything else is going really well. There have been a couple of days where Mr B would not, could not sleep for more than 20 minutes at time between 6am and 8pm, but other than that? It's been really awesome. (But let me not minimize that -- 3 days in a row of no real napping is very stressful -- it means that there is no time to do ANYTHING at all for the entire day. Like eat, or shower, or rest. But we are back in nap land, at least for today, and I am grateful for it.)

And feeding him has reached a decent equilibrium -- I pump and feed him from a bottle and supplement with the anti-reflux formula to help him feel better -- otherwise he has bad reflux 30-60 minues after he eats. It breaks my heart -- he has these little wet hiccups and each one makes him cry this sad, pathetic little cry that says "that hurts, mommy. Please make it stop." And there is nothing to be done except hold him. So preventing it is the key to happiness for both of us.

Do I like pumping? Nope. Do my boobs hurt? Yep. And I get clogged ducts and had a blister thing that I had to tend to with a sterilized needle, but it is OK. Although the needle surgery was really really not fun. Seriously -- needle + nipple? Not awesome. More like something from a bad horror movie. And while I would like to say "never again" I'll do it if necessary, as it did the trick.

But otherwise all is good -- we went on a couple of car rides (which are a big deal, since we don't have a car) and he did great, and he is on a pretty decent night time sleep schedule -- he goes to sleep around 8pm then wakes at 2 and again at 5 and at 8. And the 2pm wakeup is usually only for about 20 minutes or as long as it takes him to eat 3-4 oz and then he falls right back to sleep. It's really not so bad, and since he is bottle fed, my husband usually takes one of the feeds so I can sleep a bit more. Although I still find that I rock myself to sleep more quickly than I rock B into slumber. Probably not exactly the best plan, but the motion is so relaxing!

I ended up sleeping in B's room last night so that my husband could get some sleep before a big meeting, and was lying there listening to him breathe. And all I could think was that I am so grateful and so lucky and so in love. It is wonderful. And amazing and I am happy.

Mr B is 2 months old!

I can't believe my little baby is 2 months old! To mark the occasion, here's a comprehensive posting about what's going on (I stole the idea from others -- seemed useful!)

BREAST-FEEDING: Thanks to all for your input and support on my "I hate this breast feeding crap" post. We've settled into what I think is a good place and hopefully we can keep it going. At this point, I pretty much just pump and feed breastmilk from a bottle. I put him up to my boob directly once a day or so, but at this point, he gets a little annoyed by the slower pace. Is it what I had envisioned? Nope. Is it time consuming to pump and feed? Yep. But is it working? Yes. And supply has increased so he gets very little formula. In fact, the only reason he gets any is because he appears to have reflux, and so the formula we use is helping that.

SLEEP/FUSSINESS: Right now, he's the best night time sleeper EV-ER. (Here, I have cursed myself. I'm sure the next post will be all about how he doesn't sleep.) He goes to bed at 8ish every night and usually sleeps through until about 3am. Then he's up for a feed and back down until about 6.30am. My husband works some magic on him and snuggles with him in the morning and can get him to stay asleep until 9am or so, and then we start our day. Of course, I can't get him to sleep past 7 or so in the morning, but that's still pretty ok with me. We have a bed in his room, and so every once in a while one of us decamps to his room so that the other can stay asleep and we don't have to go so far to see what's going on. Bear in mind, of course, that we are talking about a NYC apartment, so nothing is really far, but at 3am, not having to walk those extra 15 feet helps. He grunts and groans a fair amount while sleeping, but we are learning how to discern which noise is serious and going to lead to a crying baby and which noise is just gas or a dream or something we can ignore.

He used to be really easy to put to sleep, and could be put in his crib awake and he would just fall asleep after some time. Now, however, he needs rocking, patting, etc. and has to be pretty drowsy before he can be put down. Case in point -- he finally fell asleep at 930pm after starting with bedtime feeding at about 8. Not the end of the world, but I miss the old days!

In terms of where he sleeps, he's been in his crib since day 1 -- we put him down there for naps and at night. Since his reflux/ spitting up has gotten worse (about 2 weeks ago) we have him sleeping in his car seat, but that's not going to last, and we are going to have to talk to the ped about a better solution when we go in this week.

DEVELOPMENT: He hasn't smiled yet, but he is doing a whole lot more looking and following people, their voices, images in his books (esp. the b/w ones). Considering he was so early -- he really is only one month past his due date -- we are assuming he is fine. But man -- I'd love to see a smile. Sometimes when he is dropping off to sleep he makes a bunch of funny faces, to include a smile, but I don't think it counts unless he is fully conscious. But despite the lack of smiling, he does appear to know who I am and his eyes follow me around, which is remarkably emotionally gratifying.

On the physical development, though, his small size appears to be helping hi -- he is great pushing up his chest and head, and, in a move that we don't think was either intentional or replicable, he rolled over from tummy to back last week. It surprised the hell out of everyone and, while I think it's pretty cool, am hoping that he doesn't start moving too soon! He also uses his newly developed neck muscles when he is up against my shoulder and looks around or, if he's hungry, bops his head around looking for something to suck on. It's actually quite entertaining, although I'm worried he's going to bash his head into mine.

SIZE -- He's probably around 10lbs at this point, but we will find out exactly what is going on with his weight and length gain on Tuesday at his appointment. He's already outgrown some newborn size clothes and has moved from newborn to size 1 diapers (see -- I told you my little boy was growing up!). And amusingly, he has outgrown a lot of his socks -- he has big hands and feet!!

OTHER STUFF -- I still am beyond happy and grateful that I get to be this little boy's mom. I'm tired, but I'm ecstatic.