Thursday, December 9, 2010

Three

That's the number of the trimester of pregnancy I am now in. Three. There are only three, so I am in the last one. I say this, and yet am still surprised and joyous and grateful, all kind of jumbled together.

Had my 28 week appointment today, and all is good. Well, let me amend that, what they could measure was good. I'm awaiting the results of the glucose test (that orange stuff? blech. It had so much sugar that both le bebe and I were totally jittery) and will have those tomorrow. But le bebe is looking good, head down today (so those ARE feet in my ribs!) and a nice strong 150 bpm heart beat. It is starting to look more baby like, which is amazing.

I still have the same stuff -- heartburn, minor edema, stretching pain, low back pain -- but none of it is worrisome to my OB, just niggling annoyances to me. I also am now sporting a stripe that runs down my entire abdomen.

I guess when I first thought about being pregnant (as opposed to getting pregnant, which I thought about for the previous 2 years) I said "I'll never gain more than 30 lbs" and "Oh those weird skin discolorations -- my body is not going to do that" and "Eeew -- swollen ankles? Never!" And I have all of them. In spades. It's just a really good lesson in why not to be arrogant (Incidentally, you'd think I'd have learned that before, during the whole "I am not getting pregnant and my body is betraying me in ways I never expected it would" phase. Apparently not.). Thankfully, I don't have that sense of anger and betrayal at my own body -- just more like a sense of surprise at how it is changing. Do I love all of the changes? Nope. But do I understand that they are all part of this miraculous process and accept them? Yes. And some I even think are wonderful and beautiful. And I suspect that the changes will continue as le bebe grows and that not all will be that great for me. But they will all be part of this process and I will (I hope) accept them with some amount of grace.

Dealing with things I cannot control has never been my strong suit, and infertility made that so. much. harder. But now, pregnancy and (dare I say it) motherhood are just one thing after another that I can't really control, and so grace and acceptance seem like the best way forward.

9 comments:

  1. Congrats on the 3rd tri!!! That's huge. I love your discussion of your body changes-- this process is still all is amazingly uncontrolled by us. It's worth marvelling over.

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  2. Yay for the 3rd tri!! Grace and acceptance are a great way to go!

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  3. YAY!! Congrats on reaching the third tri!!

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  4. its funny, no-one prepares women for the post birth changes. I remember my body changing during the pregnancy and I though "well, iguess thats normal" but afterwards its been a trip!!

    congrats on tri 3! enjoy every moment.

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  5. I'm glad you are so far. Congrats. I really believe your body does what it wants during pregnancy. You just have to go with it.

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  6. Wow, looking at your little ticker up there kind of brings it home---you are nearing the end of this phase! Thank God! I hear the third trimester is another delightful one.

    If you can manage grace and acceptance, by all means go for it! That sounds like a tall order to me.

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  7. Three cheers for the third trimester (and for grace and acceptance)!

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  8. Sorry! I didn't mean to scare you!!! I spent HOURS on Faces of Loss, bawling my eyes out, and I haven't been the same since. Don't do it!!!

    I hesitated to write about my fears (especially as I have people like my grandma-in-law reading my blog), but I really NEEDED the reassurance that I am not alone in being scared.... but I didn't want to scare anyone else!! I promise to be less morose from now on, or at least include a warning in the post title if I can't help myself.

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  9. ha -- you know, i felt the same way about several things that are happening now (massive weight gain, physical failings), and it somehow didn't even occur to me to think of them in the same "you are not in charge or what your body does" category as infertility. funny ol' thing, the brain.

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