Monday, October 1, 2012

Giving up

How do you know when it is time to give up?  I may be nearing that time.

I had my most recent egg retrieval last week (Thursday) and while 13 eggs were retrieved, exactly zero fertilized with ICSI.  Actually, let me be more specific.  Eight were mature, and none fertilized, and then they attempted to mature and fertilize the other five, and while three did fertilize, none of them made it to a place where they were worth transferring.

I know I'm old.  I get that.  But because I always made loads of eggs and have managed to get pregnant twice I always thought that our issue was just age and not anything more complicated than that. And maybe that still is it (I guess really crappy eggs don't fertilize or divide properly, right?).  But we are waaay waaay below the norm for fertilization rates for ICSI for women in my age cohort (we've never been above 40% and now we've hit 0%) and so it's clear that something is not working at a molecular level.

I spoke with my RE before the immature ICSI results were back, and he agrees that it is time to look at a more scientific (vs. clinical) level at what is going on.  But I'm not sure that these shrinking odds are worth it.

I don't know where to go from here.  I am heartbroken.